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x (random) - my struggle كلمات الأغنية

i often wonder why i’m still alive,-
i don’t even care if i die tommorow or if i will survive,-

perhaps i should just get over it but i feel like movin’ on is pointless ’cause i ain’t gonna get anywhere,-
just hopin’ there’ll come a time when sh-t can be fair-
when i collaborate with friends ‘n we split ‘n we share-
for that i try to get fit ‘n preepare-so i can be unique when i spit ‘n be rare-

but i’m livin’ in a time when even the best kin- (kin-can)
go their entire careers without achievin’ success ‘n-
so they grieve in a mess ‘n-start bein’ depress when- (depressed when)
nothin’ in their lives is goin’ right to the point they don’t even believe in a blessin’,-
but still they try relievin’ the stress ‘n-

i’d be lyin’ if i said this ain’t ever happened beefore,-
but i’m contemplatin’ quittin’ writin’ songs ’cause i don’t wanna rap anymore,-

and it’s just that sh-t happen’s’o much,-
‘n it’s gotten to the point i just wanna quit rappin’ so much

i have no confidence ‘n lack motivation wishin’ i had ambition,-but i have a mission,-
i wanna contribute to society with my music but i’m afflicted by writer’s block sufferin’ from avolition,-
livin’ recluse in my mom’s sh-tty apartment like i don’t even have a vision,-
or plans for my future like i’m suicidal constantly makin’ bad decision-after bad decision,-

with true ill sk!ll i try to be real when i spit
i act like i can’t be touched but the irony is i ain’t even feelin’ my sh-t
i know i’m sick ‘n i try to get better but i’m under constant duress to improve my material so i’ma probably be under pressure ’till when i quit,-

‘n it’s pushin’ me the point where i go insane ‘n crazy,-
‘n my mind begins growin’ blank ‘n hazy,-

i’ve lost confidence in my writin’ sk!ll,-i keep tryin’ still-but i’ve lost the fightin’ will-
so i cry intil- (intil – until)

i fall asleep ‘n to top it off i’m always depressed ‘n i’ve grown upset,-
’cause i havn’t made it ‘n become famous or blown up yet,-
but french montana/____ has ‘n i can’t take it,-
if he can become famous ‘n live luxuriously off of bullsh-t why the f-ck can’t i make it?-

even though i know i’m lyrical when rappin’,- /(lyrical still rappin’…miracle will happen)/
‘n writin’ rhymes though i hardly make any effort to promote myself just hopin’ a miracle can happen,-

‘n i’m tired of waitin’ for the opportunity to just fall in my lap,-
i try to give it my all when i rap-
but people just keep appallin’ my cr-p-
’till i begin’ to maul ‘n i snap,-
then you retaliate ‘n ya fall in my trap,-
’cause see noone’s showin’ mercy for me that’s why i’m careless when i brawl ‘n i scr-p,-

’cause i don’t give a f-ck anymore,-
so i don’t know what the f-ck you haters keep buggin’ me for,-

expectin’ me hopin””i impress ‘n satisfy you,-i am guessin’ that is why you-
keep encouragin’ me to make more”’music sh-t ‘n appease you,-
but i ain’t tryin’ to”’make a”’new sick hit ‘n to please you-

like i’m a slave man this sh-t is p-ssin’ me off i’m so sick of this f-ckin’ sh-t,-
i’m stressin’ out ’cause there’s a high standard and i feel like i have to live up to it,-
it’s so bad it gets to the point where i just wanna give up ‘n quit,-
but inside i know i can’t no i gotta get up ‘n spit,-
sit up ‘n get-
to work my body’s on fire like a flame lit up in it,-
still i’m so sick of this cr-p i’m so fed(fid)up ‘n sh-t,-
but i’m turnin’ my weakness into a strength i refuse to let up ‘n quit,-
i refuse to lose it’i’ll never submit(summit),-
i’m the best to do it’i don’t need a smash record or(uh)hit-
to prove it’measure the wit-listen to my music’i’m the most clever to spit-
you’re stupid’if you think i’ll ever submit,-
i spit memorable punchlines even old timers with alzheimers will never forget,-
i open up my chest ‘n y’all get treasure from it,-i rap for the pleasure of it,-
i don’t wanna succ-mb to the pressure to spit-
but no matter how much i deny it i feel like it’d just be better to quit,-
but i got cheddar to get-though i feel unsure right now ’cause i’m under the weather a bit,-
and it’s gotten to the point where i don’t even wanna make an effort to spit,-

’cause i stumble on every line i spit in each verse,-
sh-t hits the fan ‘n everytime i wonder could my life get any worse?-
i try to practice this sh-t ‘n reehe-rs-,-
…but i don’t feel”’the inspiration which i really lack ‘n motivated,-
i’m sick of these mainstream artists that are silly whack ‘n overrated,-
‘n suppressin’ these emotions is frustratin’-‘n i know i’m just hatin’-
but i’m frustrated,-i feel like i’m dyin’ but i’m tenaciously clingin’ to life i must make it-
i wanna become famous i’m finally givin’ a sh-t now i refuse to just take it,-

pretendin’ i’m ready when i’m just stallin’ ‘n buyin’-
time like i’ve already fallen i’m lyin’,-
on the cold ground where i’ve been crawlin’ ‘n dyin’,-
just bawlin’ ‘n cryin’,-
i’m small ‘n i’m shy ‘n,-
i’m scared but i’ma attempt to make it to the end i’m goin’ all in i’m tryin’,-
to survive ‘n to live i’m brawlin’ ‘n fightin’,-
to stay alive i’m maulin’ ‘n bitin’,-
i’ll never give up i’ma continue scrawlin’ ‘n writin’,-
with all of my gall ‘n my might ‘n,-

even though i feel like i don’t belong in this world i live in like i don’t fit in,-
i’ma keep goin’ i refuse to back down now i won’t give in,-
i’ma hold my own spittin’-in my zone gettin’-my name known written-
in history while i remain on my throne sittin’-and i’ve grown smitten-to the game so i won’t quit ‘n-

i’ma keep spittin’-the deep written-
feelings inside me which i used to keep hidden-
‘n let the world know my pain,-
not just so i gain-
money ‘n respect but genuinely so i can show my strain-
when i’m in pain,-‘n the affects it has when i cry invein,-
to relieve it even if you might think i’m insane,-
i act like i don’t care but i don’t know why i try ‘n feign-
or why i gest,-i just try my best,-
so welcome to this introduction to my plight ‘n trouble,-
‘n this is just another one of the stories of my fight ‘n struggle,-
my struggle…(maybe echo struggle)
…

- x random

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