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tim minchin - my neighbour's ass lyrics

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my -ss is getting me down
people laugh behind their hands when i take it into town
it used to be tough and hard-working and strong
but now it is greying and has long since been long past its prime
but it was such a good -ss in its time

just to rub salt in the wound
my neighbour has an -ss that would make tatanya swoon
it’s so broad that it’s almost impossible to straddle
he had to get a custom made saddle

i know that envy’s a sin
but his -ss is so muscular while mine is so thin
i know it’s immoral to covet
but just one day with his -ss, oh god i would love it!

oh lord my saviour
would you do me a favour
i just want an -ss like my neighbour

i want my neighbour’s -ss
cos my neighbour has
a real nice -ss

my -ss was once strong as an ox
people could easily ride it from dawn until dusk
but it never once balked out a plough
it was hardy and handsome but i’m afraid now a disaster
i’ve had to put my -ss out to pasture

i should be happy with the -ss that god gave me
to look a gift -ss in the mouth is a sin
i really should look on the bright side
it’s such a big job breaking a brand new -ss in

i know that envy is wrong
but my -ss is so pathetic while his is so strong
in the old days my -ss brought me kudos and fame
now my -ss just brings me shame

oh lord, lord my saviour
forgive my behaviour
i can’t help but covet the -ss of my neighbour
writer(s): timothy minchin

- tim minchin

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