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thecitizen - re lease كلمات أغنية

[verse 1]
i used to say i hated favoritism, i feel i’ve turned a path
cause i don’t feel i understood the things i really had
i’ve always grown up next to this, sitting contemplating if it’s
really what i make it out to be or what it is
i used to say i hated repetition, now i laugh
because of repetition i had things i can’t get back
i never really even was repeating in the past
because time that goes away, is still new time that’s yet to pass
recently been struggling with doubting and self_hatred
now a normal statе from me is pained and staying anxious
that might come as surprisе to you from all these different faces
and seeing me in public you would think my past feels ancient
a story that i’ve tried to web between the threads has caught up in these sanctions
not due to an outsider vacant
fake friends, rape threats, hiding doesn’t make sense
but what am i to do if that’s what’s getting me on playlists?
now my name is dangerous, my music is my pain_meds
is it still a hobby if i’m only here to make cents?
why is it a talent if n0body stops to listen to the words
i don’t like speaking if it hurts, i keep on screaming getting worse
i keep my demons in my purse as i’m excreting every verse
i can’t believe i went from rapping about games to f_cking bleeding for this herd
i’m feeding banquets, just supplying for the leeches
ain’t no rest, that’s gon give me a higher high than these releases
[verse 2]
dissect these lyrics, tell me what you see
i hate repeating, it makes me think these stanzas tied together loosely
for me i start to lose sleep, who thought
it’s almost like i’ve learned to see a vision lurking in this dark
i don’t feel this thing is art, least not to me
i look in that mirror and see sum different look at me
who am i if it’s not these, words i will speak
i can’t f_cking express how i’m feeling through different melodies
no rich woman or man could know my victims
no cis person i ask could feel these symptoms
what i hold, keep to my hand, don’t let it succumb
i’m sick of signs sticking and living what they don’t live on
i dress, a different way when no one hears sound
i cry myself to sleep and tread through the ground
i’m a lost f_cking woman in the soul of mother nature’s surround
when ain’t no mother f_cking safety’s around
i hate the world wearing smiles, living large while they drawing on crowns
and try to act like they’re not drawed to the crowds
i hate talking bout reality, and sh_t that’s fact
but n0body besides me will understand that
and n0body besides me could ever attach
to something so small and carry stress on its back
am i the problem or the answer to equations that your god sends?
if god’s “friend”, tell me why my love ain’t heaven sent?
what about differences? cheating exes?
i get that some people look for reckless exits, but how does your “god” protect it?
he doesn’t
i know these words hold weight like bodybuilders
and hit like k!llers, i gotta say what’s on mind unfiltered
why i can’t look inside the mirror without f_cking hurting?
i’m scared to take a f_cking a walk cause i feel anger lurking
i stay uncertain, my heart ripped out of my black tuxedo
8 years in here to say f_ck it and k!ll my alter ego, thecitizen
[verse 3]
take inspiration from who i hate, i used to like it
who am i if i’m a lying hypocrite to get behind
a bunch of other’s people’s work that i don’t like, and call it mine
is this sh_t right? is this sh_t gonna be the path to my demise?
that is tied to the things i have to bury deep inside
if i switch my gender really who the f_ck will i offend?
i don’t care about the choices made, i’m not a citizen
i want this f_cking alias i’m speaking of to end
i don’t wanna be myself, if i’ve hidden all my roots
i don’t wanna be myself if i’m poisoning my youth
i don’t wanna be myself, listen here cause this is true
i look in the mirror scream, “i never wanted to be you!”

[verse 4]
show em my power, been up late 36 motherf_cking hours
bounce then hit the shower
i’m a different breed, i’m gonna kick your t__th then break it in
most of old rappers don’t sink they swim
it takes a real motherf_cker to get out the bends, and fly above heaven and sin
what the f_ck real was i thinking? i’m not like the rest of you kids
yeah i’m a kid, a kid that’s so f_cked and rescinded, but f_ck all that citizen sh_t
my name is seiah, b_tch i’m a power
i’ve had to work 70k hours
n0body knows my worth, my voice getting louder
i’m sn_tching these motherf_cking flowers
i’m in the garden from me and myself
f_ck all that citizen sh_t, be yourself
f_ck all that fear that’s gon drag me to h_ll
i’m not gonna blend into anyone else
i’m not gon sit here and die if i try
depression gon hit me a million times
i need to stand up and wear it outside
f_ck you for not asking who am i
[verse 5]
remember who i am, remember who i wanna be
scratch who i wanna be, b_tch that’s who i’m gonna be
i don’t want my blood at these parties
i want company to just mean me and everyone who’s family
f_ck it, ride round town giving charity
i’ll release this under my current alias
the next chapter is seiah, so i’ll be on my way out
post_release clarity

[outro]
my name is seiah, s_e_i_a_h
seiah

- thecitizen

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