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the tommy lasorda experience - i'm with stupid (and she is me) lyrics

i accidentally turned off the ignition
with my knee while driving on the highway
i instinctively put the car into park while doing 60
the transmission was completely ruined
i yelled at an old guy who took my seat once
in tokyo’s narita airport
i went to the bathroom and returned
to see some dude just plopped down in my seat
i was jetlagged and nicotine deprived
and i really laid into him
he turned out to be former speaker of the house
and current ambassador to j_pan

the first time i ever shot a rifle i was in rural pennsylvania
i was so worried about the noise that i forgot about the recoil
the rifle scope smashed me in the forehead
and left a semicircular scar
my friends told me i stood up, dropped the rifle
and started wandering off
sitting in the common room of my dormitory in high school
someone threw an empty soda can at me
i caught it with one hand and crushed it. it was kind of cool
but my right thumb was nearly severed
i still have that scar too!
came down with a severe allergic reaction
and broke out in terrible hives
scratched myself raw in my sleep until l
decided to duct tape my hands before bed
the next night, i apparently went to the kitchen
and got a fork out of the drawer
when i awoke, the sheets were red with blood
and i was taken to the hospital

- the tommy lasorda experience

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