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the thought - self love lyrics

[verse]
take it easy on my ego
i’m equal parts self_care and self_destruction
and cutting substances ain’t the something that we know
from those we grew up with, that’s what k!lled my cousin
raised in a fugazi form of faith in jesus
they only took his name in vain and never went to mass
if they did, they didn’t listen to the preacher’s speeches
except the phrases they could claim excused them of their crass behavior
i’ve said it all before, it’s a family of rapists
that placе the blame for savagery at thеir savior’s feet
they’ll stay accusing me of evil motivations
for saying names and bearing witness to the cheats
i ain’t one for holding secrets, the first one broke the dam
would’ve been a hopeless man if not for therapy
and the clarity it gave me, i wasn’t just the lamb
for them to sacrifice upon the altar of their destiny
burn the effigy of what my life was meant to look like
spurned the history, by not repeating it, i took flight
set my sights on being who they never took the time to meet
silently perfecting all my rhetoric and finding peace
i survived the fire, stumbled on the burning bush
and heard the voice of something different than my father prayed to
i went from prey, to having sh_t to say, i couldn’t be pushed
from what i hold as sacred, every mabie, yeah, i hate you
unless your name is roy or jason, or maybe even jane
all the rest are with my rapist, taking pictures at some weddings
that i never got invited to, they’re rolling in their graves
meaning d_ck and kitty, assuming truth comes with the ending
that’s suspending disbelief, i think it’s all deception
the idea that redemption’s just a prayer away for bill?
makes me sick to my stomach, there’s no greater depression
than the man who took my innocence chilling in the afterlife
i will admit, i envision liquor catching up with him
leaving him yellow, bed_ridden, gasping for his breath
that ain’t a threat, it’s just some wishful thinking
the hardest pill to swallow is there’s nothing after death
anubis won’t be bringing scales, there ain’t no lake of fire
just another cremation, he’s escaping retribution
they really think i’m telling tales? they must mistake
the sire for the heir, i’m the excavation of their worst communion
don’t get my words confused, i’m a faithful of the truth
cut the roots off my father’s side and proudly bear the suture
speaking just to disabuse, not jaded, not just brooding
might be wounded, but i love myself, and kept my sense of humor
[bridge]
y’know, sometimes loving yourself means hating someone else
people will try to tell you that holding hate in your heart… is poisonous, that it’s toxic
but if someone did something to you that should never be forgiven
then it’s an act of radical self_love to hate the man who did it

[verse]
it wasn’t just a rumor
your uncle bill a monster, way more than just a boomer
and a working alcoholic, he’s probably got more tumors
than dollars in his pocket, just a prophet seeing futures
i’ll never be a loser, ‘cause i won that final fight
left the b_st_rd buckled_over, back_in_hand, screaming out with all his might
so many other nights he had his way despite my actions
on hampden terrace, north cordova, even at the cabin
but that night i put my weight behind a punch and let it fly
saved my life by letting knives that caught my eye lay where they lie
could’ve spared the world and been a martyr for a lonely cause
but i chose to wrap some gauze around my wounds and go to mom’s
i didn’t call the law, that honor fell upon a teacher
who read a journal where i left descriptions of the creature
that features in my nightmares to this very day
no matter medications taken, satan’s here to stay
despite demonic presences that choose to haunt my dreams
i’m more focused on creative ethics, working on my streams
a waterbear the way i lived through all extremes
breaking cycles of abuse, and quickly recognizing themes
that used to take me years to notice creeping up behind me
barely weeks, and now i’m first to blow this whistle when i’m stymied
i was tiny when the worst_imagined crime fell upon me
but my body even healing now, a longer life to lead
i’m hyping me, i’m bright and kind and first to practice what i preach
to each his own, but homie, if you had my mind, you’d probably reach
for any gun that you could find and point it at your temple
i trembled when i spoke the truth but now i keep it leveled
disheveled _ no stock in simple appearances
got several reasons for the way i need y’all to hear me on this
the fear i felt when i was dealt the blow of athena
is a mirror image of the privilege that i’ve tried to distance
let me be clear on this _ without assistance from my blessed mother
i’d be any other tweaker, sleeping homeless in a gutter
i will utter every word of praise in rachel’s name
until i find my way to heaven’s gates, and say that sh_t the same
used to blame her for inaction, when i didn’t have the tools
to recognize a fellow victim, thinking back, i was a fool
‘cause you couldn’t live with bill, without some injuries accrued
whether physically or mentally, he left us all unglued
tore us down to metal frames while stripping us for parts
no wonder both my brother and myself gripped on the arts
and refused to let our smarts become a weapon that could harm
instead we learned to harmonize and focus on our hearts
self love

- the thought lyrics

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