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the shrine - tortured soul كلمات الأغنية

[verse 1]
tryna swim in a sea of uncertainty
i know myself certainly
protagonist and antagonist inadvertently
can’t cut off every single thing that’s hurting me
hole in my chest, i need open_heart surgery
feeling stagnant, there’s nothing i can do to make a change
father beat us cause he couldn’t beat his pain
left a knot on my forehead but a scar on my brain
now me and kurt cobain thinking the same thing
when he left the [?] the [?] was hard to get up
depression gave me a hand, it became my father figure
my best friend, it tells me “i’m the one for you”
to the point where when i’m not sad, it’s uncomfortable
we tend to mistake cynicism for wisdom
i wish everybody, including myself, would just listen
wishing i could escape these negative thoughts
it’s like torture, a violent storm breaking my heart
i’m offered peace and serenity, but my mind is not letting me
figured i am the enemy, it’s not a different mood
knife to my stomach, i might die in my living room
we had the plastic ones, we couldn’t reach the silver spoons
[?] how you avoid being hurt
put me six feet under, i’ve always been down to earth
i’ve never felt like a person, i’ve felt this way since birth
put myself on a shirt, put myself in the dirt
cause i don’t have any worth, it’s getting easier to believe that
feels like i’m chasing my tail, it’s like
when they say i suck and then i actually fail
deeply tortured, inside of me a miniature h_ll
[chorus]
all the way inside us, something lives
when you live in your fears, that’s not ordinary
and then when they ask me where i’ve been
there’s nothing to do but tell them
i’m battling
i’m battling
battling
cause [?]
this tortured soul

[verse 2]
i want answers on how my life got so d_mn cancerous
screaming to the sky, but the sky won’t answer us
it’s always [?] trapped cage and raised for days
f_ck k!lling y’all, it should be myself i slay
my mama should’ve got an abortion, they tune in when the subject gets real
the gun shoots, big deals, you see my head blown out of proportion
it’s like the simplest things always cost a fortune
blackballed by my own family
people choose to reject me instead of understanding me
my sister beating my moms up, how can it be?
we can’t control her, she battlin’ with insanity
she’s a h0m_ sapiens, acting like a neanderthal
if i saw her starving, i wouldn’t help her, i swear to god
my mama is the closest thing that there is to god
i would murk the lord himself if he talk down on her
why everything i need never see the light of day?
why everything i love is always taken away?
feelings of inferiority get complex
one day i’m good, the other day i lost it
i got problems that n0body can fix
n0body can tell me why the f_ck my life like this
everything is working against me, i don’t like that sh_t
depression is eating my spirit, i can’t fight that sh_t
keep shooting bullets at me, i can’t bite that sh_t
falling in an abyss of lost hope
i’m waiting on the day my life stops being a joke
and on that day, i’ll probably have a stroke
[chorus]
all the way inside us, something lives
when you live in your fears, that’s not ordinary
and then when they ask me where i’ve been
there’s nothing to do but tell them
i’m battling
i’m battling
battling
cause [?]
this tortured soul

[verse 3]
staring at illusions, fighting shadows i can’t even touch
what the f_ck? i thought this was enough
and any type of happiness had has run amok
billion_dollar ideas to y’all is a couple bucks
and even when i make a change, i’m still stuck
trapped in a web of misfortune and bad luck
it’s almost like i’m cursed, i hope i get hit by a truck
see my body spread all over the street, i’ve accepted defeat
don’t get me wrong, i know there’s people without water and food
living in huts, praying they don’t get slaughtered and true
it’s even worse cause i complain and i ain’t helping those dudes
i’m too busy in my feelings, i’m rotten to the [?]
my heart’s a violent storm insecure about my image and likeness
another day, another existential crisis
if i’m gonna fight my problems, i’m fighting myself
they wanna dope me up, so basically, can’t n0body help
so f_ck it, [?], let’s go out with a bang
you can’t find a man, i can’t find a girl, it’s the same
you deserve the universe and i can barely give you change
what a shame, every time i lose it i’m screaming your name
the more attached that you get, the more it hurts when it’s gone
so why interact with anything? just stay trapped in your room
detach yourself from anything that you could possibly do
to avoid drowning in an ocean of emotions when it moves
i let a girl put a dent in my manhood
couldn’t take the anxiety, i found out them ‘xans could
yuh, me and a model popping the same drugs
but we both quit and promised we wouldn’t change up
yeah, don’t quit, i ain’t with it
everything jehovah didn’t do
i still had to witness
if i had a death note, i’d sketch my name in it
my wants and reality don’t reflect the same image
i really hate people to the molecule
see, if the world ended, that’d be kinda cool
why try to be decent when people play by different rules?
i’m on the verge of grabbing that tool and just letting loose
i was at the school fighting every day
cause apparently my stuttering’s too funny to leave at bay
black kids like “yeah n_gga, you too white”
white kids think i’m a n_gga, it’s true, right?
thinking that you really some hero
think you out of 10 when you really one zero
but my father died, expect me to act civil?
got my daddy’s long legs, my mama’s a black widow
like for real, is it real?
keep your head up is what they told me
depression preys on the lonely
my weapon stays right below me
i keep an open mind, an open [?] i wouldn’t hide
[?], i think about him all the time
i hope i get the healing i need before it’s too late
and i get eaten by fakes and bitten by snakes
survive until i make it, do i have what it takes?
i criticize everything i make
you don’t ever have to give half a sh_t
about this type of life that we have to live
n_ggas wanna be the g.o.a.t
the only goat i know is the baphomet
waiting in the afterlife that doesn’t exist
[chorus]
all the way inside us, something lives
when you live in your fears, that’s not ordinary
and then when they ask me where i’ve been
there’s nothing to do but tell them
i’m battling
i’m battling
battling
cause [?]
this tortured soul

- the shrine

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