the key of awesome - the hills
[intro: mark douglas as the weeknd]
ugh
oy
ow
[verse 1: the weeknd]
yo man i’m the world’s worst uber driver
crashed the car and there were no survivors
i probably won’t receive a five star rating
makes me sing like a sad pouty baby
now these girls will never make it to prom
them b_tches said my head looked like two pom poms
turned around to yell, i lost control then
flipped the car and now it has exploded
[chorus: the weeknd, kristen taylor as club girl]
this song’s about treating women like sh_t
and somehow it got past the feminists
it doesn’t matter if it’s s_xist or un_pc that i trеat girls like feces
doеsn’t mean much if it’s catchy
that’s my jam!
i only sing about cocaine and s_x
it’s r&b with freaky sound effects
i only call you at 5:30 which is early
so this part’s not that creepy
cause i’m punctual, that’s the real me, yeah
[verse 2: the weeknd, mark douglas as granny, sam nulton as super high weeknd vocals]
this is just a role and i’m an actor
on the weeknds i work as a pastor
me and my fiancée are quite boring
we go on nature walks then watch our stories
i just washed the dishes fore i saw you
i bought you a latte and some perfume
let’s go out to brunch and to a day spa
then we’ll go play bingo with your grandma_a_a, a_a_a!
bingo!
[chorus: the weeknd]
but when i sing i have to call you b_tch
cause there’s so many words that rhyme with b_tch
now every popstar is just bragging about f_cking
cause we’re dummies in our twenties
and we all have tattoo sleeves, yeah
i only call you when my car’s on fire
do you know how to change a burning tire?
i am like the next marvin gaye or mj
if they cursed more than kanye
i can moonwalk on cocaine
woo!
[bridge: the weeknd, mark douglas as the waitress]
it comes with fries, it comes with fries
or a vegetable
or a baked potato
i’ll have fries on the side
and we’ll take the check
i’ve got a car to wreck
[skit: voltaire wade_greene as the weeknd, paige grimard as the fiancé, both]
goodbye honey, i have to go be the weeknd
oh, but it’s only tuesday, dear
_laughing_
good one, m_ffin
i can’t feel my face when i’m with you
oh, don’t forget your cocaine, dear
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