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the blood arm - the invitation كلمات الأغنية

she invited me over for dinner
but i knew what she really wanted
or at least i thought i knew
at that time it was difficult for me to distinguish
between kind gestures and blatant come-ons
i was in a bad place and my ability to interpret signals was completely off
kind of like crossing the street and not being able to tell the difference
between a red light and a green light
all i knew was that i had to move and so i moved forward
jaywalking through life
people like whizzing cars, speeding by
there were hard edges in the air, steel
and the only certainty was the inevitable collision
i was the victim
but, it was clear i was a willing victim
she invited me over for dinner
and i said yes

“come on over for dinner tonight”

everywhere i went i was an alien
i stopped for a bottle of wine at the supermarket
it was full of hot mothers and screaming babies
i didn’t mind, but i felt like everyone was staring at me
true, i had had a couple of beers beforehand to take the edge off
and i was buying a 2 euro liter of wine to ease me through dinner
so what?
i was wearing sungl-sses, a white b-tton down shirt and tight black jeans
how did that make me persona non grata at the supermarket?
was it the number of cheese samples i had tried?
the eighth of strudel?
the tenth of backwurst?

“come on over for dinner tonight”

needless to say i wasn’t even hungry anymore
the beer had filled me up and now i was a few blocks from her house
at a cafe, drinking a gl-ss of white wine
it was hot outside, but the inside of the cafe was shady and cool
and the waitress was attractive
i looked at her, she smiled at me
i wondered what it would be like to kiss her
the walls of the cafe were mirrored and the person i saw in them disturbed me
hair a mess, an emotional wreck
cars sped by outside, there was incessant honking as an ambulance wailed
i covered my ears and went to the bathroom
splashed water on my face
pushed my hair back
i said
“you can do this”
“you can do this”
what exactly i was doing i didn’t know
going to dinner?

“come on over for dinner tonight”

my confidence was flagging as the sun was setting
i took a taxi to her place to ensure my arrival
it was slow, languid
and as i sat in the back, taking in the city with a buzzing in my head

i looked at the buildings, so different from what i knew
people on bicycles, men pushing strollers, women going to work, joggers
i couldn’t tell if i was excited or terrified
but something was happening and i determined to see it through no matter what

she lived in a huge apartment complex, on the fourth floor
it was difficult to navigate, but i knew the way
i took the stairs
the city was old, destroyed, divided
but the building she lived in was new
i rang the doorbell
she was a strong and independent woman
so i rang it again

we drank whiskey for a while
and when i left i couldn’t tell if i was walking on sunshine or eggsh-lls
and still
it’s difficult to distinguish between the two

- the blood arm

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