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secrethhhh - april 26th كلمات أغنية

h_llo, it’s march 21st 2002
i have woken up to a glorified prison again
i have lost the ability to think critically
i am now doing something i think i have to
h_llo, it’s march twenty_first
i am taking her advice and joining her
she is like a mother to me now
she has saved me and accepted me when i was at my lowest
for that i thank her
she might be familiar soon

h_llo, it’s february 21st 2003
see the flower crowns and old mason jars full of stuff
you make laughing at the things i can’t do meaningless
you make me able to tell the stories i could not bеar to put in my mind again
h_llo, it’s february 5th 2003
you distract me from thеse beliefs i should not be believing
but that isn’t bad or good
h_llo, i’ll laugh at that memory forever now, it’s not funny but it is
i don’t know why you still love me even though i’m unfaithful
but i don’t know what i’d do without you, really

h_llo, it’s april 18th, 2009
i am here in the glorified prison, but this time it’s a mental hospital
she looks very familiar, and i feel compelled to die in front of her
i have lost the ability to think critically, or maybe i’ve said that already
but i don’t care
h_llo, it’s april 18th, 2009
she is breathing her selfish words into me, probably smiling behind those rolled_back eyes
i wasn’t supposed to say that yet, but i don’t even know that yet
i will fade away after this, and bloom into something else, something better
this will be the last time i step into that room
i will do her a favor, because she has been like a mother to me
h_llo, it’s april 26th, 2009
you asked me to come here so i’ll use that chance
i am standing behind you now but cannot bear to fulfill my promise
so i’ll hold my breath, close my eyes, and do it, like something i saw on the internet
i do not realize it, but just like that, regret
h_llo, it’s april 26th 2009
my tears drip onto your shirt and i beg you not to look at me
i guess you’re using your final breath to say you still love me, even if i’m unfaithful
i know you’re so much stronger than me and could have done something
but you just chose not to
i guess this was all i needed for my thoughts to come back to me
h_llo, it’s april 26th, 2009
i saw the ring fall out of your pocket, and i understand why you took me here now
guilt pulls on the insides of my skin and i am forced to break myself apart
you’re motionless and look like you could be sleeping still
the familiarity makes it even more painful
h_llo, it’s april 26th, 2009
it’s going to repeat, isn’t it

h_llo, it’s december 8th, 2010
i can’t see with this ugly feeling shadowing me
my whole body seems to have turned a pale hue
but look closer and realize it’s just a bunch of thick lines
what she told me didn’t work, but i think i knew that would happen
h_llo, it’s december 8th, 2010
i’m not sure what i thought would happen anymore
that version of me has been buried with you
i am now coming back to that dreaded place
now i know my corpse is lying next to yours
thought i don’t remember, i have a feeling that letting go of myself was much easier than it was to let go of you
h_llo, it’s july 22nd, 2094
at least i think that’s what year it is, i can’t be sure
i got what i wanted, but not exactly
i don’t even understand how you are here
i can’t be trusted with simple things anymore or i’ll die
h_llo, it’s july 22nd, 2094
but still so cold
you’ve always had trouble with anger, but not like this
i know i have to proceed, no matter how badly it hurts
it will be me and you in reverse all over again
and this memory will be with me in place of you
all i have to hold on to will be a fake belief
but don’t worry, there’s no saving me
h_llo, it’s july 22nd, 2094
h_llo, it’s december 18th, 2115
h_llo, it’s september 24th 2184
h_llo

- secrethhhh

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