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rudy ray moore - petey wheatstraw, the devil's son-in-law lyrics

yes, i’m petey wheatstraw
the devil’s son_in_law
the high sheriff of h_ll
i f_ck notorious f_nny and [?] made a wh0re outta lulubelle
i got a string of wh0rehouses from coast to coast
and protection for them like an invisible ghost
i got four opera houses, three restaurants, two bars, and one grill
just to serenade the b_tches that i’m gon’ f_ck and drive through the mill

it was in the early 1960s when i first originate my pimpin’ game
i was callin’ wh0res “jive ass b_tches”, and pimps “sucka ass lanes”
i got magic powers
i pulled a h_ll of a trick
i sandpapered an elephant’s ass down to fit my d_ck
now i was ridin’ down the street one bright sunny day
and i saw a b_tch standin’ over on the corner lookin’ like a lump of sugar ’bout to be melted away
i said “baby, who are you waitin’ for? can it be me?”
she said “i’m waitin’ for my man, slim, and don’t you f_ck wit’ me”
said “i been out here on these streets all the m_th_f_ckin’ night, and i haven’t got slim’s money right”
i said “b_tch, you can never be a star, i’m the pimp of the nation! i’m petey wheatstraw”
he said “you ain’t nothin’ but a jive ass b_tch and yo’ man is a lane”
“i’m the only pimpin’ m_th_f_cka and b_tch i’ll show you how to play the game”
she says “why you half bad m_th_f_cka”
“i’m two_cum_carrie, i f_cked a thousand women’s husbands and i ain’t never been married!”
“and petey wheatstraw you a d_mn fool”
“why don’t you challenge me to a f_ckin’ duel?”
“and just as sure as there’s four corners on this m_th_f_ckin’ block”
“i’m gonna smother yo’ ass with this good hot c_ck”
now all the pimps, the c_ck suckers, and the bull_dyk_rs gathered around
they wanted to see that badass two_cum_carrie lay petey wheatstraw’s ass down
now old annabel let out a hearty fart
that was the signal for the f_ckin’ bout to start
petey wheatstraw pulled out a looong bedroom d_ck from his [coked ?] out pants
and fell right into two_cum_carrie’s ass
two_cum_carrie began to moan, began to groan, began to squeal
even f_cked all the grass from off the side of the hill
they f_cked in the garden and the alley clean to the back yard
petey wheatstraw f_cked for three days and his d_ck was still hard
they f_cked in the parlor, in the porch, clean up on top of the roof
petey wheatstraw said “you gon’ be a well f_cked b_tch when i turn you_a_loose”

two_cum_carrie said “petey wheatstraw, you done f_cked me all over this block”, said “why don’t you come on and eat some of this good c_ck”
petey wheatstraw said “b_tch, you ain’t nothin’ but a drag”
said “yo’ p_ssy so funk it’ll make a maggot gag!”
petey wheatstraw said “b_tch! befo’ i suck yo’ p_ssy for you, here’s some of the thangs you gon’ have to do!”
said “i want you to jump off the empire state buildin’ in a paper sack!”
“look up a camel’s ass and scare the hump out of his back”
“then jump off the eiffel tower and land on yo’ m_th_f_ckin’ head”
“get up and do the mash potatoes and prove to me that you ain’t dead”
“catch the tail of a astro_jet and get off at cloud nine”
“drank a bottle of milk of magnesia and some red port wine”
“then parachute off the clouds real fast, land on the white house yard and sh_t on the grass”
“take the president’s necktie and wipe yo’ m_th_f_ckin’ ass”
“i want you to get the queen of england’s golden slippers, not the shoes”
“tune up yo’ ass in b_flat make it sing the st louis blues”
“cause i’ll hound and i’ll clown and i’ll spit in a b_tch’s face”
“right in the crack of yo’ ass, my foot will find its place”
“and when you die and go to h_ll”
“you can tell my father_in_law that you were signed, sealed and delivered by petey wheatstraw”
two_cum_carrie said “the sh_t done hit the fan”
said “you in a world of trouble cause here come my man”
he said “i’m slim! i’m from a creek that they call [battle ?]”
“i’ve took my bare hands and jacked the h_rns off of a whole godd_mn herd of cattle”
said “i’ll f_ck you up without a cause, i’ll even make your pappy drop his draws”
said “i got a graveyard disposition and a tombstone mind”
“i’ll f_ck up any m_th_f_cka cause i don’t mind dyin'”
“i’m forty_six inches across my chest, i don’t fear nothin’ but the good lord in death”

petey wheatstraw said “well you long lanky m_th_f_cka, you ain’t nothin’ but a sucka!”
“i was born in a barrel of butcher knives, i been shot in my ass with two colt .45s”
“i been slapped by a bear and bit by an eel”
“i chew up railroad iron and sh_t out steel”
“i jumped in the ocean and swallowed a whale”
“handcuffed lightnin’ and throwed thunder’s ass in jail”
“i walk through the graveyard like a bolt of thunder”
“made the tombstones jump and put the dead on the wander”
“when i wanna f_ck i go in the lion’s den”
“f_ck all the he_lions and [?] the she_lions [?]”
“i put fear in a gorilla and took the sting from a bee”
“you got to be an ignant, ignant m_th_f_cka to f_ck wit’ me”

here comes [?]
she said “well petey wheatstraw, you got me in yo’ m_th_f_ckin [?]”
“you had me carryin’ a sign around sayin’ “p_ssy for sale”
“but now yo’ bad pimpin’ ass is goin’ to jail”
the police picked up petey wheatstraw, let him kiss his wife
put him in san quentin for natural life
the day he went to court to get his time
he kicked the judge in the ass and blew the da’s mind
petey wheatstraw said “i want all of you low life, ignant, [?], molded, mildewed m_th_f_ckas to listen to what i have to say”
“p_ssy brought me here, now you see it sendin’ me away!”
“but if i live, and time come to pass”
“i’ll be forever, keepin’ my foot in a b_tch’s ass”
“cause i’m petey wheatstraw!”
“the devil’s son_in_law!”
“the hiiiigh sheriff of h_ll!”
“the hiiiigh sheriff of h_ll!”
“you may be petey wheatstraw, but get yo’ black ass in this six_by_six cell”

- rudy ray moore lyrics

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