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original broadway cast of anyone can whistle - simple كلمات الأغنية

[hapgood]
i’m going to examine them according to the principles of logic

[cora]
logic?

hapgood
it’s quick and easy
(singing)
grass is green
sky is blue
false is false and
true is true. who is who? you are you, i’m me!
simple? simple? simple?
simple as abc
simple as one two three

schub
but who on that line is what?

hapgood
(sings)
one is one
two is two
who is what and
which is who?
no one’s always what they seem to be
cora
that’s certainly true

hapgood
for example __ you, sir, with the manly good looks. would you come forward please, mr. hapgood?

schub
i thought you were hapgood

hapgood
calling the patient by my name, he identifies with me immediately, we have an instant transference and thereby save five years of psycho_n_lysis

cora
brilliant! what happens if i call you hoover hooper?

hapgood
shall we dance? no, we have. now then, mr. hapgood __

george (the young man)
call me happy, sir. or george

hapgood
all right, georgie

george
thank you, george
hapgood
thank you. now, george, when we were a child, that is, when you were a child, a boy __ you were a boy?

george
i was a manly little fellow, sir

hapgood
then i’m sure there was a saying you learned that you have used ever since to govern your life. a motto, a watchcry

george
a watchcry. yes, sir
(he sings)
“i am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.”

hapgood
good, hapgood! now then:
(following is spoken rhythmically to orchestral vamp)
married?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
two children?

george
yes, sir
hapgood
two tv sets?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
two martinis?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
bank on friday?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
golf on sat_rday?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
church on sunday?

george
yes, sir

hapgood
do you vote?

george
yes, sir __
only for the man who wins
only for the man who wins
only for the man who __

hapgood
all right. headaches?

george
no, sir

hapgood
backaches?

george
no, sir

hapgood
heartaches?

george
no, sir

hapgood
thank you, hapgood. group a. over there, please

schub
what’s group a?

cora
obviously mad as a hatter

schub
magruder! place that cookie under arrest

hapgood
just a moment
george __ do you ever wonder whether you’re real?

george
no, sir. i know i’m not

hapgood
group one. over there, please
(sings)
grass is green
sky is blue
safe is sane and
tried is true

you be you and me to some degree
simple? simple? simple as a_b_c
simple as one_two_three

cora
well, is he safe or sane, doctor?

schub
safe is sane

hapgood
not always
(he sings)
the opposite of safe is out
the opposite of out is in
so anyone who’s safe is “in.”

george
(he sings)
that i’ve always been!

cora
(she sings, joined by schub, cooley and magruder)
the opposite of safe is out
the opposite of out is in
so anyone who’s safe is “in.”

hapgood
that’s how groups begin!

cora, et al
when you’re in, you win!

hapgood
simple? simple? simple?
simple as a_b_c

cora, et al
simple? simple? simple?

hapgood
simple as do you do like me?

cora
(cooing)
i do indeed like you. the question is __

schub
the question is __
just a moment there! __

man
(sings)
“i am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.”
(he speaks)
but my name isn’t george, doctor

hapgood
what is it?

man
hapgood

hapgood
group a. over there, please

(cora and schub look at each other)

schub
what is this?

cora
i don’t know, but it’s brilliant

schub
but which group is what?

hapgood
it’s very simple
(he sings)
grass is green, sky is blue
a is one group, one is too
one is one or one is a, you see …

cora
(nodding brightly, sings)
grass is green
sky is blue
one is one and
a is two

schub
(sings)
no a is one and
one is, too

(the following is sung simultaneously)

cora
no, one and one
is always two
to me!
…
i don’t agree!
a is you and me!

cooley
…
no, one is green
a is blue
one can be
in a, you see
a is crazy!
maybe

magruder
…
…
no, a is green
one is blue!
a is “out”
and one is “in”!
i agree

schub
…
…
…
no, one is one
a is one group
too
see?

woman
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa __

man and woman
(singing)
a woman’s place is in the home
a woman’s place is in the house
and home is where you hang your hat
and that is where you hang your spouse
a woman’s place is in the home…

hapgood
(speaks, as music continues)
dear mr. and mrs. hapgood

june (the woman)
oh, we’re not married, doctor. he’s june and i’m john. i mean she’s john and he’s june

john
june and john are engaged

june
john’s my secretary

john
june used to be my secretary but his corporation went bust

june
and her syndicate took over

hapgood
well, it would all be in the family if you got married

john
but john can’t support june

june
every cent john makes goes to pay for june’s dinners

hapgood
why doesn’t june give john a raise?

june
he’s not worth it

hapgood
i see. and neither of you wants john to stay home and do the housekeeping because __

hapgood, june, john
a woman’s place is in the home
a woman’s place is on the shelf
and home is where he hangs her hat
and that is where she hangs himself

cora and schub
group __

(music stops)

hapgood
(to june)
a
(to john)
one

schub
magruder!

people
(sing, simultaneously)
“a woman’s place is in the home, a woman’s place is in the house.”
“i am the master of my fate and the captain of my and soul.”
“if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
“beauty is only skin deep.”

schub
stop the music! a man crossed over

hapgood
that was a woman

schub
oh

cora
group one

schub
now wait! are they all cookies? if you could produce someone who is sane, present company excluded, of course __

hapgood
ah __ good lad, hapgood. watchcry!

martin (the black man)
(sings)
you can’t judge a book by its cover
you can’t judge a book by its cover
you can’t judge a book
by how literate it look
no, you can’t judge a book by its cubber
(music continues under)

hapgood
occupation?

martin
going to schools, riding in buses, eating in restaurants

hapgood
isn’t that line of work getting rather easy?

martin
not for me. i’m jewish… group a, would you say?

hapgood
group one’s more fun

martin
crazy

cora
group a…

schub
group one…

cora
it’s maddening!

schub
what’s the difference between them?

hapgood
it’s obvious
(sings)
the opposite of dark is bright
the opposite of bright is dumb
so anything that’s dark is dumb __

martin
but they sure can hum

(hapgood and two men __ one each from groups a and one __ hum a close_harmony counterpoint to martin)

the opposite of dark is bright
the opposite of bright is dumb

hapgood, martin, two men
so anything that’s dark is dumb

hapgood, two men
that’s the rule of thumb

martin
depends where you’re from

hapgood
simple? simple? simple?
simple as a_b_c
simple? simple? simple?
simple as naacp!

man
i get the point, comptroller hapgood

schub
oh, shut up and get in group a

cora
who’s that?

schub
my brother_in_law

cora
but he’s not a pilgrim… and he’s not a cookie __ hapgood… what was he doing on the line?

hapgood
who is what?
which is who?
that is that and
how are you?
i feel fine, what else is new?

cora
(during the above)
hapgood, please. who is on that line … ?

schub
doctor, you are not doing what we want you to!

cora
you know, you’re absolutely right! look here, hapgood. darling…
(sings)
grass is green
sky is blue
i’d join any group with you
schub’s a b00b and you belong to me!
simple? simple? simple?
simple as one_two_three, one_two_three, one_two_three…

people
doctor, what group am i in? where do i belong? where am i? tell me where i am? where am i?!

schub
(pushing through)
get back! your honor! cora! he’s taking over! they’re turning to him! now stop it! doctor __ group a: cookies? or group one: cookies? the truth now __ which __ is __ what?

hapgood
watchcry!

group a
(singing simultaneously)
“i am the master of my fate and __ ”
“a woman’s place is in the __ ”
“if at first you don’t succeed __ ”

hapgood
rub your stomachs! goo_ood. goo_ood. watchcry!

group one
(singing simultaneously)
“i am the master of my fate and __ ”
“a woman’s place is in the __ ”
“beauty is only skin __ ”

hapgood
pat your heads. h_llo. h_llo… gooo_ood… h_llo. h_llo… reverse! good. h_llo. h_llo. that’s goo_ood, goo_ood, goo_ood, comptroller

schub
dammit!

cora
i adore games!

hapgood
watchcry!

cora
h_llo

schub
he’s boring from within!

hapgood
watchcry!

schub
communist!

hapgood
you would say that
(sings)
the opposite of left is right
the opposite of right is wrong
so anyone who’s left is wrong, right?

crowd
goo_ood! goo_ood!

hapgood
h_llo!

crowd
h_llo!

hapgood
(sings)
simple? simple? simple?
simple as you tell me!
simple as one_two_three

hapgood and both groups
cheers for the red, white and blue…

hapgood
watchcry!

magruder
look here: i’m the chief of __

hapgood
watchcry!

magruder
(sings)
“ours not to reason why, ours but to do or die.”
(speaks)
sergeant magruder reporting, sir!

hapgood
occupation?

magruder
fighting the enemy

hapgood
what enemy?

magruder
what year?

hapgood
yesterday:

magruder
the germans: heil!

hapgood
the day before:

magruder
the germans: heil!

hapgood
today:

magruder
the germans: hail!

hapgood
tomorrow:

magruder
hail!
heil!
hail? … heil? … hail?

hapgood
group a

magruder
heil?

hapgood
group one

magruder
hail?

cooley
you’re just making him seem crazy, but he’s twisted. i mean __ he’s been twisted

hapgood
(sings)
grass is blue
sky is green
change of time is change of scene
what you meant is what you mean!
watchcry!

cooley
hallelujah! now listen, brother __

hapgood
occupation:

cooley
preacher __ er, treasurer

hapgood
oh, you were a preacher, hapgood

cooley
i’m a treasurer, cooley __ i mean __

hapgood
they threw you out of your pulpit __

cooley
brother!

hapgood
because you were crazy!

cooley
because i believed!

hapgood
in being treasurer

cooley
in god, and they only believed in religion

hapgood
and that made you crazy, hapgood

cooley
i am not crazy, cooley!

hapgood
no, you’re crazy hapgood

cooley
i am not cooley, i mean i am not crazy, i’m hapgood!

hapgood
are you sure?

cooley
i am completely schub!

schub
he’s crazy!

hapgood
thank you
group a
watchcry!

(they respond)

watchcry!

(they respond)

watchcry!

schub
i don’t have one, cooley!

hapgood
ah ha!

schub
hapgood, we are going to end all this right here and now, my dear treasurer, i mean doctor, dammit! right now: which group is __

hapgood
two questions

schub
one answer

hapgood
just two little questions, schub, and you’ll know which group is what. where does most of your money go?

schub
i hardly think __

hapgood
where does most of your money go, hapgood?

schub
in taxes

hapgood
goo_od. what do you think of someone who makes a product and doesn’t use it?

schub
he’s crazy

hapgood
h_llo, h_llo
most of your money goes to the government in taxes. what does the government do with most of the money? makes bombs
reverse! goo_ood. h_llo, h_llo
but you say to make a product and not to use it is crazy. isn’t that what you said, comptroller cooley? and doesn’t that make you crazy for letting them waste your money, treasurer schub?
reverse!
but perhaps the government is making bombs because it means to use the product. which means everyone will be k!lled, hapgood. including you, schub!
both together now!
which means you are paying most of your money to have yourself k!lled. which means, my dear doctor comptroller mayor schub, you are the maddest of all! watchcry!

schub
help!!

hapgood
watchcry!

cora
brilliant!!

hapgood
watchcry!

groups
grass is green
sky is blue
the opposite of left is right
the opposite of right is wrong
simple? simple? simple?
simple as a_b_three
simple as one_two_c
as grass is green
as sky is blue;
as simple as the opposite of left is right
is wrong is right is a is one
is a is one h_llo! h_llo! goo_od! goo_od!
a is one! one is a!
grass is who is opposite of what is green is safe is opposite
of dark is opposite of simple which is
watchcry! watchcry! watchcry! watchcry!

who is what? which is who?
who is what? which is who?
who is what? which is who is who?

hapgood
you are all mad

- original broadway cast of anyone can whistle

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