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mushy mustard - crimes / jailbreak lyrics

[intro: the brickster]
hey, mama, play me a jailbreak tune
come on, as a favor

[verse 1: mustard]
i’m done rapping about hating mimes
instead this song is about doing crimes
i went to the store and stole a candy bar
but i didn’t wanna get caught so i threw it really far
i also do lots of other crimes
now i will list some of the crimes
i saw some random guy and i stabbed him in the face
i stole someone’s wallet then stabbed him in the face
i also burned down a building and stabbed the owner in the face
then i went to mcdonald’s and tried to rob thе place
when i was done i stabbеd all the customers in the face
doing crimes is lots of fun
i will shoot you with a gun
and do many illegal acts
i won’t even pay my taxes
doing this is risky ’cause
you may get caught by the fuzz
and then you will get put in jail
criminal behavior fail

[chorus: the brickster]
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care
you can’t catch me, dude
[verse 2: batter]
doing crimes all the times it’s my favorite little game
if you aren’t doing crimes, then i think you’re super lame
i’m a career criminal and ain’t it a shame
i never get caught ’cause i always train
i stole from a gas station quarter past three
three bottles of lube and a bundle of spare keys
they went to a truck right outside in the lot
threw the lube in the bed then i sped out the plot
i named my son arson ‘cause i love to burn
so does my wife and my grandpa, we keep him in an urn
he didn’t even die, we just incinerated him
my other son, well i named him jim
my third son, i named him rob though
doing crimes always makes him sob though
(and that’s all i have, i’m really sorry)

[chorus: the brickster]
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care
you can’t catch me, dude

[verse 3: stir]
but i got caught and was taken in a cop car
we had to go to the courtroom which was not far
the judge had said since i committed a crime
so i’ll have to serve a life sentence, hard time
it’s all over now and i’m taken to jail
they led me down the hall and said welcome to your cell
this is how it goes now i’m living in a prison
but that doesn’t mean that i won’t carry out my mission
i gotta make big bucks even when i’m locked up
so i go around and i sell the other inmates stuff
i found a cigarette on the ground in the yard
and i was offered seven dollars to have it taken off my hand
i got my own empire i’m gonna be rich
so now i know i go to jail if i have a wish
but i can’t stay here my whole life yo
i have my homies out of here so now i gotta go
[bridge: the brickster]
by keeping me in jail, aren’t you really trying to lock up the darker side of your own nature?
i hear they’re gonna give me the chair
and maybe even a lovely matching table

[verse 4: b natural]
broke out of jail today, oh, how?
i turned my cellmate into a cow
i know it sounds crazy, but a fairy godmother came to me
she said i know it sounds crazy but you better use my magic to flee
this prison cell and i said oh yeah how is that gonna go
she waved her wand and i was like oh oh oh
for you see at the ends of my hands are an escafil device
and i said oh i see what you’re trying to entice
i’ll turn into an ant and crawl out between the bars
she said no no no how did you pass the bar (law exam)?
our reality isn’t so simple and the only way to get out
is to bend the bars until they’re bent way way out
i said okay i’ll turn into a gorilla and that’ll do the trick
and she said oh yeah this power always makes you a nothlit
i said f_ck man what am i gonna do?
that’s when i noticed my cellmate taking a snooze
i said heheh fairy can i use the device on others?
she said now you’re cooking with b_tter
i put the cube on my cellmate’s head and she started to change
into a cow and that’s how i made my escape
the cow was between the bars when it started to grow
it was so big the bars bent and that’s when i go go go
you may ask if i have any regrets
i say nope because i’m out and my cellmate was a b_tch
[outro: the brickster, xminusx, c00lb00bs]
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care (i’m out of here)
don’t care, i don’t care
you can’t catch me, dude
don’t care, i don’t care
don’t care, i don’t care (i’m out of here)
don’t care, i don’t care
you can’t catch me, dude
jail, jail, jail, jail (i’m out of here)
jail, jail, jailbreak (i’m out of here)

- mushy mustard lyrics

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