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mt. oriander - we measure our distance in time كلمات الأغنية

mostly, i’ve stopped trying to force myself to go to bed early

sheets become fire
heat washing over me
like my body is embarrassed
of the things i could never be
productive, punctual, good at upkeep

a sound machine makes me
think that i’m hearing things
as white noise morphs into a nonsensical phrase on endless repeat
and no amount of will power
can bend the words to other beings

i refuse to look at the clock
so time stands still
as though nothing and everything is happening all at once

then, my brain tells me it is time to get stuck on something else
like how, when i was 19, i felt depression swallow me so whole
that it took parts of three years away from me
and almost caused me to fail out of college

maybe how i thought i was doing the right things
but never actually listening
or how no matter how old my body gets
my mind is still the same
and one day, if i’m lucky
i’ll feel like a young man trapped in an old man’s body

so i stay up and distract myself instead
and wait for sleep to come to me

- mt oriander

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