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mitch benn - kander & ebb's 2001: a space odyssey lyrics

this… is… a…
sp_ce odyssey, it’s a sp_ce odyssey
we gotta get moving cos you know you got a lot to see
be ready for some long dramatic pauses and longeurs
‘cos very little actually occurs

[monkey noises]

hallo, this call is being recorded for training porpoises
wait we are training porpoises?
ja, in case the monkeys don’t work out

hallo monkeys, this is a message
from your alien overlords
we are waiting for you to evolve and
we are getting kind of bored

with regard to that neighbouring tribe;
have you considered forging swords?
don’t bе stupid: they’re not smelting bronzе yet
okay, what can they afford?

okay let us have a think here…
hey i have an idea!
you seem like a clever fellow
why not have a look around
that’s a nice and heavy thigh bone
lying right there on the ground
go ahead and pick it up and
have a swing, maybe a pound
go and tell your monkey buddies
about this great new thing you’ve found
that’ll make it so much easier
when you go out hunting boar
and you won’t be eaten by those
nasty leopards any more
go get your land back from your neighbours
just sock them in the jaw
congratulations, cleaver monkeys
now you have invented war

we’ll leave you to it: we’ll be back in
half a million years or so
have fun evolving; see you later
ja give that bone a throw

aaaaaaand… smash cut

floaty sp_ceships, floaty sp_ceships
lots of lovely floaty sp_ceships
the model work is breath_taking
but the viewers are confused
and their buts have started aching

but there’s more floaty sp_ceships
(look!) floaty sp_ceships
(see!) stanley loves his
floaty sp_ceships
[wow!] pirouetting now
to park inside this place
which is basically the hilton up in sp_ce

we are scientists
from the soviet union
which absolutely positively
definitely exits

americans found something on the moon
and we would very much like
to know what it is

sorry comrades
i hate to disappoint you
our base has had an outbreak
it’s all pretty hush_hush

’till we can clean it
we’ve gotta quarantine it
i had better go now

look at you, you clever monkeys
you have made it to your moon!
we really did not expect to see you
up here so very soon
you may think that your job is over
we must tell you it is not
get your ass to jupiter
that is the big one with the dot
please leave a message after this tone
[loud whining noise]

we’ve nothing to do, nothing to do
we’re halfway out to jupiter, it’s just me and you
why couldn’t we be frozen with the rest of the crew?
‘cos there’s nothing to do, nothing to do

i’m dave, and i’m frank
our schedules are blank
we’re going round in circles like two fish in a tank
we don’t get a moment’s privacy
we can’t even wander off
it’s boring but true
there’s nothing to do

thanks to our positronic pal
speaking of which: how’s it hanging, hal?

h_llo dr. bowman, h_llo dr. poole
anything to report, hal?
oh, nothing much
that’s just great…

i’ve so much to do, so much to do
my orders for the mission were confusing, it’s true
but i’m incapable of error so that should see me through
but there’s so much to do, so much to do

i’ve a ship to maintain and a crew to sustain
i must check every system and check it again
the responsibility is placing a strain
on each and every circuit in my artificial brain
if i had an organic one i think i’d go insane
[hollow laughter]
but that won’t ensue
not while there’s so much to do

just a minute… just a minute…
i’m sorry to disturb the festivities but i think we have a problem…

- mitch benn lyrics

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