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melmige - ode كلمات الأغنية

let me talk let me walk
not adhering to the laws
of productivity im thriving on this entropy
i lay under the canopy watching rain drop
this precipitation only thing that brings elation
now take it back to freshman year it’s when i started dropping tears
it’s when reality has shown its t__th and kicked it into gear
i’m a f_ck boy
or at least i think i am
just started liking girls convinced myself they were my fans
now i don’t think i was a bad person at all
just ignorant and childish not expecting any falls
and they hit hard the first of many i would ever feel
brought me back down to earth understanding hardship was real
trauma from the past required me to age fast so i lost my innocence early on to a flask
i thought i was mature for my age but i’ll say
not a single person’s ever mature in 9th grade
moving on two relationships that year and i heard one of em was sending pics to someone near
but that’s an afterthought
it doesn’t really bother me i’m more focused on my grades and managing a broken family
but it’s good things are going swell
running laps around the track to keep my mind well
10th grade is okay then november come
lose a friend to the lead now it’s getting rough
cause suicide was one of those things uou only saw on tv
it wasn’t that familiar wouldn’t happen to me
and with that reality persisted showing me the truth
there was an axiom that said life will do what it wants to
not caring for the consequence or people who affected
it’s the unstoppable force taking lives leaves me infected
with disease of knowing there was so much i didn’t know
soph0m_re year is over i continue to mold
get this girl and she’s alright
things are going nice
then the picture frame expands another girl grabs at my hand
and i don’t want her but she doesn’t care takes advantage of me now i feel i need repair
guilty but it’s not my fault feel i’m under assault
better i should know but i’m bad at saying no
so i get tossed around until she’s bored
date the other girl but she’s wanting more
sometimes i can’t give cause i don’t know how to live
for someone else but it’s all i do because i can’t help myself
projecting insecurities on people close to me
and push them all away that was my way of being free
if i’m honest i felt toxic arms length away to the people that i rocked with
when we split all the other people did too
let me know they weren’t my friends i wasn’t their friend to
the realization all they did was just put up with me
crushed me spite and anger consumed my entire being
11th grade comes to a close
senior year i been hanging out all on my own
find the music it’s what makes me go
wtf i’m crying acid rain i know
waited on you but you never came is still the goat
grew up doing art but i had never heard about this
i did pencil and eraser and piano class
but when i heard this emo sh_t it really smashed
they all spoke to me i listened in class
cause when i heard the raw emotion felt the motion of a movement in the underground
it wasn’t very polished but it was the perfect sound
for someone like me who related to that sh_t
so i sat down and i said i’ll give a go at this
first couple songs didn’t hit
first dozen songs didn’t hit
first 40 songs didn’t hit
but i’m never giving up i swear i’m getting good at this
watching videos on youtube and i’m learning sh_t
confusion from the lessons sometimes wanna quit
all of this
cause therapy had never been effective
did it for a couple months and just didn’t get it
put emotion into music and i gained some subtle leverage
on the trauma that affected how i grew made me feel less than average didn’t know what to do
family problems how i solve em school and girls will change the outcome
hanging out with shady people made me become the f_cking problem
all the years before all i had been was complacent
i had been a good kid but never positive i changed it
to fit a narrative that in my eyes i could call satisfactory
started being nice to people even if they didn’t f_ck with me
kept on making music dropping links to all my friends
found a girls where i’m not means to an end
when i dropped morose i got a taste of how it felt
to have some people care about my sh_t once again it’s going well
freshman year of college but i’m not sure why i’m here
couldn’t pick a major can’t decipher what is real
the relationship is great and the music coming up
school no longer sh_t snd i got friends who lift me up
but even on a day where nothinggoing wrong
in the evening i’m still crying in my room to guardin songs
what the f_cks the deal with this why am i so f_cking stressed
even when the situation good i am nothing but depressed
a hereditary issue that’s illogical in nature
plagues the corners of my mind in my mind it’s leaving craters
trynna balance my own life school my girl and occupation
i grew up too f_cking fast feel i never will escape this
but even in the void i had the music and the friends
that would help me when i’m down when i isolate again
that’s the sin of living life
unavoidable
i confusion em all with lack of pharmaceuticals
i picked em up but haven’t used em all
the bottle on my desk makes me feel unusual
like i’m not here at all
i grew my hair welcomed despair and changed who i was trynna be
think and breathe move my feet
in the motion of the scene
be original but likable
fight em all is what i wanna do but i do my best to suppress what is irrational
passion calls but gotta balance work and fun
it’s so hard to do what i don’t want to never get anything done
cause i would much rather go down a path constructed by myself
and not have to compromise and put my dreams on the shelf
when will things begin to change in my favor
i’m a creature of my own desire higher than i’ve ever been the lowest i could be
why can’t i ever breathe
sometimes i feel the past is all i see
know that i’m a different person than i was those years ago
progression is important but progression’s also slow
maybe i should really quit and leave my body in the road
but after writing out this story i think i’ll continue to go

- melmige

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