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matt keegan - price of addiction lyrics
[verse 1 _ matt keegan]
i’ve made up my mind, i’m done being sober
eight months, it’s officially over
i’m done with this boulder that’s tied around my neck
they said i’d be happy if i finished my steps
but it ain’t come yet, i’m on step six
still sitting here, fiending for that fix
them first thirty days, i was hungry and broken
the fire is out, now i’m distant and lonesome
phone is a ghost, i ain’t getting no calls
i’m positive, n0body’s caring at all
so today is the day that i’m catching the buzz
i’ve only been good at f_cking things up
i’m stuck in a rut, i just got my kid back
i’m working a job, i’ve been making an impact
on all of the damage i did in the past
so why am i stuck in this place that i’m at?
there’s a rain cloud that always seems to follow me around
got the devil on my shoulder, he been saying things aloud
like, matt…
why you even sober anymore?
you’ve been crying out to god, but the prayer’s been ignored
you’re all by yourself, so i’ve opened the door
step right inside, i got what you’ve been looking for
dude’s got a pack that he only wants $20 for
just send a text, what you got all that money for?
spend it, blow it, burn it to the ground
you already know you’re gonna let your people down
your kid would be so much better if you were not around
you deserve to be six feet under and dead inside the ground
point made, okay, hear you loud and clear i’m a go cop, today
i’ma send a text right now
i really gave my best, but i guess i’m all out
_{transition}_
[benjamin lerner] what are you doing?
[matt keegan] i’m getting high
[benjamin lerner] why would you do that?! what if you die?
[matt keegan] i’m still feeling sick! i guess its goodbye! it’s not getting better and i really tried!
[benjamin lerner] what about you’re daughter? aren’t you her father?
[matt keegan] she’s better off without me, i’ont know why i bother!
[benjamin lerner] look, shut up and listen, i’m done with your b_tching i’ll give you some truth bout the price of addiction
[benjamin lerner_verse 2]
picture your family over your grave and your mother in black with the tears on her face
rewind it a couple of days when you’re back on the block and you’re copping a bundle to taste
crying and shaking and know that you’re giving up everything just for a giant mistake
you pull in the alleyway, fl!ck on the light get your spoon and the lighter and park with the brake
picture the rush and the pr_ck of the blood
the guilt that you feel with the fleeting euphoria
blacking out dying, the flash of the emt lights getting tagged on your feet by the coroner
fast forward several weeks
your family and friends can’t believe it, it’s heavy and bleak
your daughter is coping with knowing her father is not coming back and she’s desperate and weak
your girlfriend is broken and hopeless and searching for reasons for losing the man that she loved
she can’t sleep at night when she pictures the bag being zipped by a sterilized hand with a glove
you planned a vacation for later this year, but you took a trip that she didn’t expect
and now her last memory of you is your skin turning blue with a 30_gauge rig in your neck
and all of the people that you made amends with who finally started to give you respect
are shaking their heads and they’re saying you wasted your talent and calling it gifted neglect
and let’s not forget all the people you thought were your friends you got high with and sheisty connect
your homies all dying a week after copping the same dope… their life is a check
he’s cashing while laughing and smoking a blunt up in traffic or bagging up bundles to package
cause he doesn’t care about your family or daughter
he’s k!lling 10 people monthly on average
some will accuse you of being a liar, an addict, a criminal, savage or thief
but most will just see it as tragic your daughter and mom lost their son and their dad to the street
your relapse is bigger than how you feel now
bigger than all of your fear and your cravings
if you start slipping you’ll empty the souls of your family you won’t just empty your savings
remember that even on bad days your life is a gift and sobriety saved you
and a relapse can take away everything good in your life and the chance that it gave you
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