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jorden - count my blessings lyrics

i’m on a different typa time, i was never taught to apologize
compromising fights, i’m obnoxious and kinda dead inside
picking up the phone and my synapses fire back
designer black to crack a smile that my domicile seems to lack
i know that number can’t be reached but i’m extending my hand
she slapped it away, aimed for my face and changed me as a man
subtle switches in my walk and demeanour
i flinch at raised hands like i’m seeing the reaper
made men were my teachers, violence was the answer
prior run_ins with substances, paranoia a factor
i lost trust, all of my pillars looked dangerous
auto aim the blame to certain names like a plain turret
fire back, i absorb the dirt like a coir mat
that image turned me petty like pacquiao brought la hoya back
i learned to put the gloves down
confused on how the love sounds
the comedowns a thousand times worse than the cut around
i’m surrounded by mental illness and mendel fitness
my safe haven got tired, settled in different business
i lost friends, my family questioned the absence of her
couldn’t say i ruined it, my life was put asunder
every blunder another scratch on my current record
lying to the mirror, convince myself that i’m doing better

(the part when the beat slows down
i can’t escape the cycle, it’s turning into a whirlpool
50/50 chances on death, i got the bird flu
feel her breath on my face, lie dormant in my dorm room
do i miss her? tell ‘em no, but i been capping like a toadstool
they say it’s toxic, but i know that we both grown
maybe i don’t need her, i just hate being solo

- jorden

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