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jordan - blackbox freestyle s12 ep. 105 كلمات الأغنية

[verse 1]

at sixteen years old i nearly lost my mind i lost the plot
they sectioned me in hospital cause suicide was on my watch
remember feeling everyday how i wanted to stop the clock
i’m grateful for my sanity cause in that year i lost a lot, like

friends from school that i used to class as family left
never felt right to me
sh_t was like a family death
indiana jones its like you ripped my heart out of my chest
i was at my worst you never came to see if i was bless

my girl left me too she said i’m crazy and she didn’t want it
i was giving headaches, hard to deal with and love wasn’t promised
i don’t like remembering that sh_t these days i deal with it
my way, drink a couple beers and then i light some chronic
but back then? relations with my family grew tarnished
dad blamed it on drugs kept saying
weed wasn’t harmless
never lived with mum and she was overseas so it was bad
sent over my older bro i guess to see if i’d gone mad

college wasn’t happening
my knowledge was dampening
if something didn’t happen man i swear i woulda clapped the ting
but i’m not a road guy
was never on this roadlife
i was gonna clap the ting except to take my own life
and i ain’t really tryna sound like some depressed yout
i’m just telling you my life and how the stress grew
i ain’t tryna get no pity from a next fool
i never asked for a shoulder to cry i’m wet proof

you can’t rely on n0body
n_ggas that was fam are moving like they don’t know me
no calls no texts no nothing from n0body
so when i’ve made i ain’t hearing no sorries no apologies

i accept what i’ve done, i made some wrong turns but i embrace what i’ve become, cause 2 2’s now, our mistakes are what define us
and if you say you always made the right choice you’re lying

[pre_chorus]

tighter than the rest we wasn’t faking sh_t
fed ourselves with knowledge we were aging quick
always running round with some caucasian chick
follow through on everything we’d hate to quit

i swear the love turnt to hate
cause you said that we’d brother till the end of days
now i look and see my brothers but don’t see your face
and i do try to forget it but it hurts my brain, its like

[chorus]

i saw my father leave
cried for him every night
i saw my sister pass
i hope she’s in the sky
i saw my mother getting beat on by some random guy
f_ck if he’s my stepdad i swore on mine i’d take his life

i saw my brother sad
i saw my mumma cry
i heard my sisters saying that they wish they had my life
i saw my nephews looking at me like i was the guy but they chose a better path than mine
younger but they’re wise

[verse 2]

back in them schools day i thought i was a bad boy
till i met a badman who told me thats a bad choice
focus on your grades he told me and f_ck all of that noise
will smith martin lawrence kinda like them bad boys

sat in class i never listened to teachers
never cared about what they was tryna teach us
until year 10 i only rolled around with eediats
now i’m here telling my nephews to go and revise

[outro]

it’s a cycle and i swear we gotta change it
our parents had us and they just wanted us to make it
they had lived through the cycle and they wanted us to break it
and nowadays i think when i have kids i want the same sh_t

past days been hard i swear that i can’t even lie about it
somedays these days, i look back and i just cry about it
don’t disturb me when i’m telling you what i’m feeling
cause most these n_ggas telling you bullsh_t these n_ggas lie about it

- jordan

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