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home bowman - where i've been... كلمات أغنية

i think about you whenever it rains
i think about her whenever it’s sunny
but no matter the place or the change
i’m still surrounded by thoughts of them running

i start to wonder if something is coming
i talk to others that don’t have the stomach
i think it matters but maybe it doesn’t
i start to plunder and fade into nothing

may 19th, i’m standing on the edge
attempt to cope with traumas i can barely comprehend
tried to shove it down to keep it bottled up again
the person in my music ain’t the person in my head

i hope my outlet is a spectacle for all to view
i learned from maynard that i can’t divide it all in two
a new perspective i developed is it’s all a ruse
i lie to everyone and tell them that there’s “nothing new”

and if i told the truth then n0body would listen
honestly i’m tormented by memories and visions
future’s looking f_cked and i’m sickened by the present
taken to my limits trying to battle my afflictions

girl said that she loved me and i lied to let her feel it
drunk decisions made to try to terminate my feelings
intoxicate to postulate that possibly i really
felt the way i said i did cause that was more appealing
truth be told i lied because i couldn’t stand to lose her
then i turned around and broke it off i know it bruised her
i could not admit that i had f_cked the situation up
so bad with all my wording so my choices all confused her

then i have to watch ’em live a happy life without me
that’s a part of growing up i’ve hated since i found it
everyone is tossing all their pennies in the fountain
i’m the motherf_cker contemplating about drowning

i hide myself from the world so i feel safe
back in covid i was coping and i needed change
now i’m practicing the habit that i grew to hate
lock myself away trying to say it’s all okay

at least i’m sober most the time and at a healthy weight
drank a bit too much in june but that’s a different date
i made it through the month again and kept a steady pace
i feel deprived of good emotions and i’m in a cage

created by myself i probably threw the key away
i poke my head out every now and then to feel the rain
i’m reminiscent on the days where i had gone insane
all the doctor visits, panicking, and body aches

i try my hardest not to let my life just go to sh_t
i go the furthest when i’m heartbroken and deeper in
or i’m charging when my anger is relentless and
i’m blatantly discussing how i fantasize about my end

- home bowman

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