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hand job academy - shark week lyrics
[intro]
(“yo, you ever been a female, though?”
“what you gonna say?”)
[verse 1]
[clara bizna$$]
stap on your red wings,it’s time to make this bird sing
my bed looks like the elevator from the shinning
contemplate, don’t hate
cause i look like sharon tate
or a piece of rare steak, when i m-st-rbate
bleeding since eleven, b-tch! i ain’t new to this
feels like a werewolf is living in my uterus
my body never feels quite as uncute as this
i wanna cover up my sh-t, like h-ssidic jewish chicks
[ash wednesday]
wake up to a bl–dy side of the bed
i’m looking like a goner, i’m dead like laura palmer
i’m kinda worried about toxic shock
i’ve had a tampon in my box, since like four o’clock
hard-boil my egg, and pump me like a keg
my pad is soft, and like lara croft
he’s about to raid my tomb, motherf-cker
i’ve got a bl–dy womb, motherf-cker!
(“miss wednesday? what’s a m…ma… maxi pad?”
“shut your piehole, ashley! shut it!”)
[verse 2:clara bizna$$]
i need o.b.’s ,i run to the duane reade
i cop the midol, the chocolate, and the kraft mac and cheese
maybe i call the weed-man, and i smoke some trees
lay in the cut and i-(“bleed, b-tch bleed!”)
baking cherry pie in the kotex
blood dripping down your neck, after s-x
i’m not sookie stackhouse (“but send your invitation!”)
chilling on a yacht in my red sea vacation
sipping bl–dy mary, sh-t is scary
gnarly like a prom date with your homegirl carrie
torn in half like [?],you know the vino
spilling from my hole could fill a carafe
i wouldn’t laugh if i were you, don’t f-ck with claire
about to rain in blood, b-tch. slayer!
time of the month for your grandma drawers
make the water turn red like, duh-duh, jaws!
(“miss wednesday, what’s a period?”
“once a month your ovary releases an egg, that travels down your fallopian tube
and embeds itself in the lining of your uterus. this a 28-day cycle!
and after that your egg gets released with the lining and shoots down the corridor, and bleeds into your panties!”)
[verse 3:lil thuggin]
call me an au fait, red paint so natural
collected once a month and no it dont come from your -ssh0l-
i’m hungry, i’m hungry and it’s time to munch
i slurp it like spaghetti, got marinara on my tongue
if you got a heavy flow, i’ll do you in the shower
i keep my bedspread clean, smelling like flowers
driving bl–dy ’round the block, getting tampons for the stock
leaving red sticky pads, in your motherf-cking mailbox
get those tampon strings out, cause its shark week
john wayne, red river, flowing like a creek
it’s ’bout to get real fishy, swimming in your meat
i got a ten-foot d-ld- if she looking real beat
what this nasty–ss trick trying to get with me?
i ain’t stab you, b-tch, you just in heat!
[outro]
(“what are you scared of this?”
“shark week!”
“it’s just a little blood”
“shark week!”
“it makes me more powerful!”
“shark week!”)
(“it….maxi pad? is that what that is?”)
(“shark week! you can’t floss on our level, you know why?
cause we use a tampon string b-tches!”)
(“girls, are you on your period this morning?”
“shark week! get out my face!”
“what?”
“shark week!”
“repping marina abramović”
“yeah!”
“well that ain’t fun that don’t sound good at all!”
“it’s not shark month, it’s shark week!”)
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