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gilbert and sullivan - if you give me your attention lyrics

[king gama]
if you give me your attention, i will tell you what i am:
i’m a genuine philanthropist — all other kinds are sham
each little fault of temper and each social defect
in my erring fellow creatures, i endeavor to correct
to all their little weaknesses i open people’s eyes;
and little plans to snub the self-sufficient i devise;
i love my fellow creatures — i do all the good i can —
yet everybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

to compliments inflated i’ve a withering reply;
and vanity i always do my best to mortify;
a charitable action i can sk!llfully dissect;
and interested motives i’m delighted to detect;
i know everybody’s income and what everybody earns;
and i carefully compare it with the income-tax returns;
but to benefit humanity however much i plan
yet everybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

i’m sure i’m no ascetic; i’m as pleasant as can be;
you’ll always find me ready with a crushing repartee
i’ve an irritating chuckle, i’ve a celebrated sneer
i’ve an entertaining sn-gger, i’ve a fascinating leer
to everybody’s prejudice i know a thing or two;
i can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and i do
but although i try to make myself as pleasant as i can
yet everybody says i’m such a disagreeable man!
and i can’t think why!

[ensemble]
he can’t think why!

[all]
i/he can’t think why!

- gilbert and sullivan

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