george plant - the shaggy dog stories - chap. 5 كلمات الأغنية
chapter 5
king mu and the fabled land of day
many years ago a traveler came into the fabled land of day. as he traveled through the countryside he saw many fine fields of grain and pastures with healthy livestock. the people working the land were all peasants, living in abject poverty. strangely, all those he p-ssed seemed to be in good spirits. he hailed a peasant and asked how he could be so happy living in such poverty. the man told him that this land was ruled by a huge, intelligent and benevolent bear called king mu.
he added that while he was poor now, he could, when he thought he was ready, partic-p-te in a rite of p-ssage and become a knight in the king’s court.
when the traveler asked what was involved in this rite, the peasant replied,”oh, you know, the usual stuff: drinking till dawn, reciting sports scores from the last five years, telling tall tales about women you’ve never met, discussing the advantages of the designated hitter and infield fly rules, and many other things of similar difficulty.” the traveler agreed that would be a grueling test indeed. “tell me peasant, what are the rewards for p-ssing such a test?” asked the traveler.
“when you’re made a knight you get all the goodies. you get things like a platinum royal express card. no limit on those things you know sire. you can move to a nice condo on the beach, and if you want, you can even get a trophy wife to replace the one you got now.”
“amazing!”, said the traveler ,”this i’d have to see to believe.”
“there’s a test going on now in the capital.” said the peasant.
so the traveler proceeded down the road to the capital to see for himself if all of this were really true.
p-ssing through the gates and into the beautiful capital city of day he saw “the festival of testing” was already in progress. in the center of town, on a raised platform, sat an ornate throne and king mu in it. he was a polar-looking fellow and appeared to be at least twelve feet tall. moving through the crowd, the traveler saw three men standing before the throne. two of the men looked to be in fine shape: clear-eyed, their collars b-ttoned down and wearing neck scarves in powder blue. their hair was perfect. both had at some point in the compet-tion already won rolex watches, which they wore on their wrists. the third man however, looked horrible. his eyes were blood shot, his clothing rumpled and stained. as he stood there, holding his head in misery, he looked none too steady on his feet. he looked like he’d been through a three-day stupor.
rising from his throne the king approached the first two men and placing a huge paw on each of their shoulders and announced, “these two men have done well. they have p-ssed all the tests of knighthood. i proclaim them knights of day and grant unto them all the privileges they deserve.” turning to the third man the king said, “this man, however, did not p-ss the test.” with that he raised a paw and much to the traveler’s horror, struck the man down, k!lling him on the spot. at that point, one of the king’s aides brought forth a great sh-ggy dog , at least four foot at the shoulder, and presented it to the third man’s grief-stricken family. turning away in shock and confusion, the traveler asked the man standing next to him to please explain what had just happened.
“why, everyone knows,” said the man, “there’s nothing better, after a bad day’s knight, than the dog of the bear that hit you.”
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