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frank zappa - mudd club (live at mudd club, nyc, may 8, 1980) lyrics

[spoken]
alright, now bring the band on down behind me boys. we gotta make sure they hear the words to this song. hey_ now wait a minute, not yet. let me tell ya, the name of this song is “the mudd club”, it’s a song about the place in which you are now standing. based on real events that actually took place here. performed by real denizens of the area, some of whom may be in the audience tonight although we can’t be sure

[chorus]
hey, they’re really dancin’
they’re on auto_destruct
on the floor, on the pipe
bouncin’ off_a the wall
hey, the people here are really tearin’ it up
on the side, in the back
by the front of the stage
they ain’t really crazy
you can take it from me
i should know cause i go every time i’m in town
if you never tried it let me straighten you out
it’s the best kinda place to unfasten yerself

[verse 1]
mudd club
there ain’t no sign in the front
mudd club
there ain’t no sign in the back
mudd club
now people, if you don’t go
then you won’t know about the show
on the floor, do you know what i’m talking about?
[spoken]
have you ever been down here, the early hours (mudd club), when it’s pretty empty ‘n you see these people, well, you see these people uh, you know those poles out there? i saw a guy run at that pole and stick to it for five minutes. i tried it this afternoon when we came in here and it’s very hard to do!

[verse 2]
mudd club
is all the way downtown
the mudd club
they ain’t messin’ around
just turn to the left and look around
it’s there somewhere
well, if you ain’t found it, better hurry up
cause the folks down there is on auto_destruct
and so can you be too
the fact of the matter, it’s made for you

[spoken]
try it on a sat_rday about 4 o’clock in the morning. or even on a monday at midnight when there’s just a few of them fabulous poodles doing the peppermint twist, for real. in a black sack dress with 9_inch heels, and then a guy with a blue mohawk comes in, the bass player from the plasmatics in serious leather
(at the mudd clubb) al malkin is here right now, ladies and gentlemen, looking for a virgin with nice breath. now, i told him earlier that we were gonna raffle him off, where is he? where? he’s over there. ladies and gentlemen, the_the, the pudgy guy with the curly hair, making a fool of himself against the wall. this is the guy that’s looking for a virgin with nice breath. it doesn’t matter whether you’re a guy or a gal, he’s all yours if you have nice breath and never did it before with anything other than furniture. might be you, what are you talking about

- frank zappa lyrics

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