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eddiefrb - eric cartman vs charlie brown (and lucy van pelt) lyrics

[intro: announcer]
animation vs. anything!
eric cartman
versus
charlie brown
draw!

[verse 1: eric cartman & (kyle broflovski]
oh my god, kyle, shut the f_ck up and listen
i just found the first jew that celebrates christmas
(shut up, fatass) that’s right, kyle, mel gibson tried to warn me
i’ll have to f_ck his mom tonight, i hear she’s pretty h_rny
charlie brown, was it? it must be really tough
living with both depression and leukaemia, so
if you really want me to apologize
come on down to south park and suck these b_lls of mine!
b_tch, i’m dropping bombs, just in case you couldn’t tell
like imaginationland, i’ll leave peanuts full of sh_lls
’cause i’m making fat stacks. my pocket’s on kyle’s mom
you f_cking gooback, this battle is my job
the lone christmas tradition for poor children like kenny
i’ve seen comics stand on their own better from jimmy
well, my job here is done, you’re totally boned
so like your actors at p_b_rty, i’m going home

[verse 2: charlie brown]
someone tell linus to see who i’m stuck with
he’d be thrilled to finally meet the great pumpkin
you two are alike _ though, not that he’s racist
but, you’re so insecure that you need blanket statements
so if you want attention start by ditching the mask
it’s like your fans are raccoons, ’cause they keep digging your trash
you’re crying censorship: “none of the networks care about us
by the way, stream our new specials on paramount_”
with the hate speech you’re dropping, of course your ratings are bombing
now you’re just chasing the profit and saving face like muhammad
i mean, you can’t take a joke and your politics are backwards
good grief… at least kanye’s a good rapper
i inspired the show that you copy all the time
you even stole the simpsons’ sad and gradual decline
now you’re middle of the road; you lost track of what you fight against
so it makes sense you’d end up living on the side of it

[verse 3: eric cartman]
oof, charlie, you’re breaking my b_lls here. what a zinger!
didn’t expect soul from the kid in love with a ginger
look, brah, i know it’s hard, y’know, dying of cancer
but i’m here to tell you taking your life is not the answer!

[verse 4: eric cartman]
and don’t try to hide it, i can tell by your face
everyone in your family thinks you’re a f_cking disgrace
and i bet that your weight’s something they bully you for
’cause you’re big boned like me, except way, way more
but keep your two chins up, charlie, don’t give in to fear
who cares if you haven’t been relevant in 56 years?
who cares if all your friends secretly think you’re totally lame?
who cares if all the girls who respect you are totally g_y?
d_mn it, i know it’s so hard, but man, you gotta hold on
’cause middle aged moms would miss you so much if you were gone!
you may have nothing to live for, but dude, you gotta let it go!
no, no charlie, don’t do it, don’t do it, no!
[interlude: eric cartman]
help is available, charlie brown
just go to your local psychiatrist and get it sorted out today
ugh… good grief…
hey, where the f_ck are you going?
hey, come back here, hey…
hey, f_ck you, then!
go ahead and do it, then; i don’t give a sh_t
f_cking assh0l_
screw you guys, i’m going―
oh, for f_ck’s―

[verse 5: lucy van pelt]
why don’t you pick on someone your own size, you object?
i’d say you’re too round to be a blockhead
but now that the shrink has arrived, you might shrivel
given your rhymes, i’ll pick at your mind for no nickel
i’m guessing it all went wrong when your mother
slept with so many wieners, you moved into another
dad left her, and he was so happy with his new lover
’til you turned him into chili and then fed him to your brother!
you repulsive freak! n0body would love you in their right mind
someone tell heidi to hide and get her some iodine!
all your friends think you’re an antisemitic ogre
no wonder kyle hates you; pork isn’t kosher
you’re worthless! hopelessly, utterly, and completely
and i don’t sugar_coat it ’cause then you’d probably eat me
here’s my final two cents: this counts for the winner
spell it out, charlie brown!
[outro: lucy van pelt and charlie brown]
charlie: uh… wait was i supposed to say something?
lucy: charlie brown, you were supposed to deliver the punchline!
haven’t you ever delivered on a basic setup before?
you wouldn’t know a good setup for a joke if it walked up and slugged you
i’ve seen you mess things up before, charlie brown
but this right here is unforgivable
you’re hopeless, charlie brown!
completely, utterly hopeless!
charlie: good grief…

- eddiefrb lyrics

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