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dustin mark - who let phil spector have two dogs? كلمات الأغنية

shabbat sh’lady parts, high holiday cervix
making love in the temple, feeling holy but nervous
dirty talk in hebrew [?]
you’re made in god’s image so your body is perfect

if i was you i’d dig that intro

i mean were you – subjunctive tense
grammar’s not just important it’s common sense
shop at rei and get some common tents
tom sawyer on the southside painting common’s fence

i school clowns like barnum
speaking for my house old school, joe varnum
that’s right, revolutionary reference
second person active self-possession – your preference
t–th swinging both ways, bi cuspid
oh snap, did you see what i just did?
t–th and cunnilingus, dental dammit
hand-a-basalt, pomegranate
eating fish all day, fatty acid
lsd in the blunt, that’s some fatty acid
winning gold medals like we’re back at lake placid;
beat the soviets and beat ’em stupid
alright eros, ok cupid

can i have a cigarette cause i love lucy?
honey i’m home and your caboose needs
a real rough spanking
make you black and blue like battleship potemkin
except that film was black and white, not black and blue
not “b and b” but “b and w”
bmw, yeah i saw you roll up
i was in my 1992 corolla
no airbags, no sweat
i won’t crash, i bet
but i can’t bet, i’m not 21
show up at the clubs still just for fun
but the bouncers they rejected me
they detected the affected me
who grew a beard so i’d look legal
shaved it off to look more regal
but kings, they don’t shave on their own
if they leave to shave who’s going to watch the throne?

abstinence makes the heart grow fonder
clean my cash, money launder
squash at the thanksgiving table
start me up with a jumper cable
mick can’t finish because once you start him up he’ll never stop just like the energizer rabbit
blowing every 90 minutes that’s a geyser habit
old faithful, that’s my geyser
reviewed yellowstone on tripadvisor
old faithful, young cynic
paid specialist, free clinic
where you go to get tested
god forbid you get molested
make sure you get that creep arrested –
how i like my development
who? ann? her? oh she’s irrelevant
tony hale p–ped himself, buster brown
last 3,2,1, gob’s final countdown
that’s ad, no call it ce
come on let’s be pc, no more feces
in our humor, no more p–p jokes
fake veggies, artificial artichokes
call penn jillette’s daughter razorblade – the strokes
don’t worry, i got different ones for different folks
strokes for my british mates and aussie blokes
morton salt, when it rains it soaks
careful with the sodium, number one slayer
bon jovi with heart disease, living on a prayer

houston boys, me, pat swayze, bill hicks
put some air in my shoes got those pumped up kicks
foster the people, foster arian
obgyn libertarian
ron paul looked good in bruno
michael cera put a kid in juno
you know, he grew that mustache out
brazzaville teenager now a brazzaville adult

happy birthday from india, happy returns
call me zach in the garden, we’re between two ferns
he ain’t gonna email you no more, you know
the less you feel the more you know, you know
didn’t know before but now you know, fo show
oh, cause this is mike’s itty bitty short show
marin short’s show, jiminy gl!ck
blurring real and fake like robin thicke
martin short co-staring with mulaney
funniest dude out there, ain’t he?

spoon at the library, gimme fiction
fallon’s vocab, jimmy’s diction
astroglide reduces friction
i think you’re a contradiction
don’t shoot, i’m giving up the gun
got my bed made, got my sweater on
vampires all seven days a week
julian -ssange took a wiki-leak
and so did bradley manning
but he no longer takes it standing

i make sounds like foley
leave the bang bang and take the cannoli
gigi bufon is the godfather’s goalie
find my nirvana like dave grohl, he’s
fighting the good fight, you know the foo one
religious paradox? how about a jew nun
go paintballing and i take my hue gun
government take over on sale, that’s a coup pun
vikings want vicodin, drug store pillage
takes a child to bring down a village
cheese and bread, let’s start the grillage
oil and water like bp spillage

mr. diderot, tear down this fourth wall
before it happens by force, that’s a forestall
from the south but i got a north drawl
need bob odenkirk? you better call saul
poison your stevia and k!ll you with sweetness
you want to run the ky derby? oh you’re a freak, miss
win that, the b\belmont, then i win the preakness
three crowns, three kings, three wise men
take those gifts back and come back again
when you’ve returned the frankincense and brought back something better
grandma style gifts, pair of socks and a sweater

gandhi slept with little women
all in one cot, however many could fit in
louisa may, she had it written
great literature not from great britain
ich ben ein dubliner, james joyce
ich ben ein berliner, your choice
do you want grape or raspberry iced?
grape is the choice made by my p-ssive voice

west coast gets an east infection
catholic boys get a priest injection
c-section, save your lady parts
four score calendars that’s eighty charts
you see banksy mastering the shady arts
exit through the gift shop, that’s just street smarts
dropping street knowledge, dropping trou
dropping bombs like collin powell
secretary of san francisco, condoleezza rice-a-roni
congressman anthony oscar mayer weiner bologna
elliot spitzer paying a tramp
turn off the lights and remove the tamp-
on, that time of the month and you’ve got a cramp
you know me, can’t help being a scamp

crime and punishment, crime and misdemeanor
mia loved woody but her daughter came between her
what is it with asian girls and jewish weiner?
kubrick cleaning carpets, call it stanley steamer
period socialist, dot commie
king of queens of stoneage, kevin james and josh homme

i got friends in college throwing keggers
while i’m at home reading dave eggers
because i love the internet tendency
while you’re out getting drunk on wine and hennessey, tennessee
cat beneath the hot tin ceiling
put a bandaid on your hymen get that s-xual healing
i only cry words, got intellectual feelings
and a theoretical bow, the conceptual keeling
jrr toking, lord of the smoke rings
cyber s-x you get a facebook poking
new jersey’s got a homeless problem
far too many hobos in hoboken

bright like the sun, portugal el hombre
destiny’s children telling me to diga mi nombre
jim henson cried a single puppeteer
leave some booze in the woods and f-ck up a deer
10 speed d-ck, change your richard gere
beer batter says bring another pitcher here
louis ck, that ginger’s funny
can’t make an easter omelette and not injure a bunny

clean my clothes with tide to help me get my wave on
snacking after the storm, taste the rainbow like trayvon
sad he never ate those skittles
houston jew like harris wittels
who raps like me and asks you riddles?
sorority girls love their littles
because it’s a greek inst-tution
gulliver’s littles were lilliputian
the cleanest proposal by jonathan swiffer
improv satirist, caustic riffer
your boyfriend and my d-cks might differ
mine is longer his is stiffer
bloodflow makes it tough for startin’
blood rushing to my head like i’m christopher martin
jfk in the white house getting head in spanish
el-bj almost made vietnam vanish
this chicken gyro tastes a little lambish
but i’ll eat it anyway because i’m so famished
get your gyros at niko niko’s
greek food made by actual greekos
all that food goes to your obliques, those
love handles, s-x grips, hang on you might need those
chester arthur’s eating cheetos
got the presidential ethos
how much debt is on the ledger?
all the unpaid money heath owes

if beauty is truth and truth is beauty
girl, you’ve got an honest booty
come over here and give me coodies
throwing up hail mary’s like i’m doug flutie
forgive me father i have sinned, i want to make that clear
but less than i’ve been sinned against, you can call me lear
i’m mad to repent, my dear kent, and that makes you unmannerly
well i can tell you’re jay patel because you love your family

cheer up jean, daydream believer
leave it to pixar, wall-e cleaver
i don’t want your scr-ps because you already bit it
won’t stop bothering me i got to force quit it
cold turkey, frozen chicken, mike tyson
you blow like the wind and you suck like a dyson

this rap is my opus
you’re eyes are myopic
four eyes, five guys, cheeseburger out of paradise, dystopic
let’s be happy – why so stoic?
can’t find happiness? control f-it
bad student, no effort
game not fair, you ref it
making gold records like i’m david geffen
i’m indifferent, i’m in no mood
i don’t know where you end like edwin drood
charles d-ckens, oliver twist
spray the apes, gorillas in the mist
furniture for wizards at harry pottery barn
megaball string picking, lottery yarn
st-tches in a beaver that’s an ottery darn
what’s that in my poo? oh it’s gotta be corn!

dress to impress and smell to compel
your scent might be why things aren’t going so well
won’t get any drinks if i can’t stand your odor
d-mn you smell nice, can i buy you a soda?
a diet sunkist or an orange crush?
i know your flavor, you orange lush
i like your luscious locks, your salmon hair
your pony tail looks like the -ss of a mare
that -ss right there, that -ss ain’t fair
that’s one magic derrière
it cast a spelling on me, i’m hooked on phonics
cleanse your -ss of the plague, a bubonic colonic
i see through your guise, cut the histrionics
a lonely loner, how ironic

unknown in indiana, that makes you a hoosier
no laughs in iraq because i bombed fallujah
gifts rapped black like roots manuva
couldn’t buy a diamond so i bought her a nuva
elle woods adopts a black guy in the legally blonde side
hairy granola bar stays by han’s side
surfing lily pads, going on a frond ride
fix up your dog like that dr. armond guy

like the pillsbury doughboy i’m a white role model
no need to worry when my foot’s on the throttle
below the limit, i’m a nervous driver
i love driving like explosions love macgyver
much prefer walking, that’s my forte – macgruber
give you the bends like unsupervised scuba
you shouldn’t do it unsupervised
two of me walking ’round like those looper guys
bruce w-lly jgl what a handsome combo
ident-ty erased you can call me john doe
really, what drugs are you on though?
swerving around like rajon rondo
ranger from the north now i’m the king of gondor
i spit fire, thank your first responders
for cleaning the saliva off your head
lady godiva rides into my bed
but she’s white chocolate or better yet just white
nothing against chocolate but i like my girls white

sorry cancer patients but i don’t date bald girls
stay out of my bathroom because you’d be appalled, girls
it smells like cat p–p, blame the feline
he sees a string then he makes a b-line
thinks he’s the king of land and water like a cheshire sea lion
i work all day, he’s got nothing but free time
he declines all my offers of grace
sometimes i wake up with his tail in my face

i saw you earlier so save your h-llo’s
uneducated boy like brian fellows
new york’s hottest club is ‘what?’
stefon gives it to seth meyers in the b-tt
yeah two straight men getting busy
alfalfa with a mic, little rascal, little dizzy
tis the season to be jolly
b-tterfly floating like muhammad ali
bee stings courtesy of c-ssius clay
clint eastwood at a roast going to make your day-is
can you tell me on what day the play is?
which play? medea? oh, another?
yeah but this one’s written by my brother
ok i might like the writing but who’s gonna do it?
who but tony nominee tom hewitt
oh, what more can i say?
robin williams starting off the week, mork and monday
fine dining at barboncino
loading up on carbs and vino

in haiti all the plumbing’s shoddy
port au prince is full of port-o-potties
you hate obamacare but it started with romney
couldn’t catch the p-ss because nanmdi was on me
waist management, hip sanitation
hitachi bringing you some good vibrations
happy abstinence let’s have a celebation
narrate my junk with a d-ck dictation
king’s toilet gets a royal flush
saphire won’t fight you he only writes his push
lana del rey’s got a caffeinated bush
caffeine addiction? thank you very much
because i got to stay awake at work
steve martin’s a good guy but he’s still a jerk
he’s one of those wild and crazy guys
eating wild rice and crazy fries
dan aykroyd, ghostbuster
plain swear p–p, vanilla cuss t-rd
hot have to round up, spicy mustard
you’re my stood up heavy satellite, guster
cause i’m the dusterbuster
ironize your shine with a l-ster ruster
fat pie maker, robust cruster
head’s just one big f-cked cl-ster

right?
but who let phil spector have two dogs?
not me
have a good night

- dustin mark

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