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diio - entry 017: the color blue, represent the truth كلمات أغنية

[intro]
i promised myself that i would get it done by friday, but as i’m sitting in front of my laptop and staring at a blank page hitting backsp_ce every two minutes before i could finish a passage i’ve already started to criticize everything i just wrote, this is not the write word, this doesn’t make sense, this is stupid and two hours later im back to ground zero

so many times i try to start a new personal project or build new habits i’d get all excited and motivated at the beginning, spending hours researching and reading trying to come up with the most comprehensive plan having high hopes that i will make the best thing possible or do the habit every single day without a miss but then once i hit a wall or have something else get in the way the excitement quickly fades out i begin to criticize and resent myself for not being able to work through them then anxiety and shame take over things i used to enjoy have become increasingly overwhelming and difficult as i build up higher and higher expectations for myself i can’t help but find myself falling back into instant gratification before realizing the damage i’ve done and criticizing myself even harsher

it’s like i’m constantly searching for that one magic solution that will suddenly make everything cl!ck into place. it’s frustrating that no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to get out of this toxic cycle of starting and stopping, never really making any significant progress towards my goals

why does everyone make it seem so easy and effortless?

why can’t i do what they do?

am i just…broken?

- diio

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