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dawn of the squid - too many cooks lyrics
bang! at the door, three or four, they are clad in white
i invite them in and then they begin!
in their hats with the bulgy bits
indulgent gits who sit and
witlessly debate
and it frustrates me so i tell them so
but what do you know? they don’t comprehend
but only talk in circles, shirking work and cutting corners
always fawning over older cooks
who wrote the books they imitate
in the end i take my leave for such a brief reprieve
’cause soon there’s a spoon arcing up, sailing fast across the room
i assume that the b_st_rds must have thrown it!
with a blow to my head, what i said, i shall not repeat the words
sternly put to the effect that they should beat a retreat!
i walked through the door, and i balked at the things i saw:
assortments of salts and preservatives upon the floor!
and what is more, a deficiency of recipe
and it was not the deal that they should murder my meal!
quite the beastly bistro this has become, oh!
i wish i’d never let them into my kitchen!
gigantic ants in the pantry!
punting the poor paltry poultry
pies made of plywood, dried pud!
and fox in woks!
their hats get too big for their boots
alpha chef recruits the worst excuse for humans
with confusing views on who’s allowed to
take lengthy breaks, and they make strange mistakes ’cause
no one pays attention to the broth!
and did i mention they are not too meticulous. it is ridiculous
that they refuse to use the most expedient ingredients!
so what is the point? poignantly drab and disappointing
so many condiments the food she’s of_a no consequence!
quite the ghastly gastrol(?) this has become, oh!
i wish i’d never let them into my kitchen!
gigantic ants in the pantry
punting the poor paltry poultry
(???) of ghoulish goulash
and pots! of rot!
too many cooks have spoiled the broth
i’ve had enough, the gloves are off!
too many cooks have spoiled the broth
i’ve had enough, oven gloves are off
without further ado, i pull off my shoe
and i batter the b_gg_rs to death
put the brute in the force and create a new sauce so tonight!
i shall dine upon chef
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