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christopher durang - i could drive a person crazy lyrics

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[the observer, spoken]
“why aren’t you married?”

[the observer]
doo_doo_doo_doo
doo_doo_doo_doo
doo_doo_doo_doo doo_doo

i could drive a person crazy
i could drive a person mad
doo_doo_doo_doo doo
first i make a person hazy
so a person could be had
doo_doo_doo_doo doo

then i leave a person dangling sadly
outside my door
which it only makes a person gladly
want me even more

you could understand a person
if it’s not a person’s bag
doo_doo_doo_doo doo
you could understand a person
if a person was a drag
doo_doo_doo_doo doo
boo_boo_boo_boo
worse than that
a person that
titillates a person and then leaves her flat
is crazy
i’m a troubled person
i’m a truly crazy person
myself!

[the husband, spoken]
thank you
that’s fine
have a seat
thanks a lot

[the observer]
when a person’s personality is personable
he shouldn’t oughta sit like a lump
it’s harder than a matador coercin’ a bull
to try to get me off of my rump
so single and attentive and attractive a man
i’m everything a person could wish
but turning off a person is the act of a man
who likes to pull the hooks out of fish

knock, knock, is anybody there?
knock, knock, it really isn’t fair
knock, knock, i’m working all my charms
knock, knock, a zombie’s in your arms
all this sweet affection
what is wrong?
where’s my loose connection?
how long, oh lord, how long?
crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy

i could drive a person buggy
i could blow a person’s cool
doo_doo_doo_doo doo
first i make a person feel all huggy
then i make her feel a fool
doo_doo_doo_doo doo

when a person says that i’ve upset her
that’s when i’m good
i impersonate a person better
than a zombie should

you could understand a person
if i wasn’t good in bed
doo_doo_doo_doo doo
you could understand a person
if i actually was dead
doo_doo_doo_doo

exclusive me
elusive me
will any person ever get the juice of me?
i’m crazy
i’m a lovely person
i’m a moving, deeply maladjusted
never to be trusted
crazy person
myself!

[the wife, spoken]
absolutely

[the younger woman, spoken]
i agree

[the husband, spoken]
you win, we give up

[the observer]
yeah!

- christopher durang

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