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cheech and chong - earache my eye (conversation) lyrics
cheech (father): i said turn that thing down and get ready for school!
chong (son): hey! what’re ya tryin’ to do?! you ruined my record, man, i just bought it!
cheech: i don’t care what you just bought! you get your f-nny-perpendicular and get ready for school!
chong: i’m not going to school!
cheech: what do you mean you’re not going to school?!
chong: just what i said, i’m not going to school!
cheech: and why not?!
chong: because i’m sick, that’s why not!
cheech: sick…you’re sick alright, what’s wrong with you now, prince charming?
chong: i got an earache
cheech: earache my eye! how’d you like a b-ttache?! now get your little f-nny out of that bed and clean up this room, it looks like a pigsty. you hear me?!
(chong makes pig noises)
cheech: alright, that’s enough! that’s enough! you’ve pushed me far enough, young man, you’re getting punished! now stand up!
chong: no!
cheech: i said stand up!
(pulls chong’s hair and chong screams)
chong: hey, let go of my hair, man!
cheech: now, young man, i have talked to you, and talked to you, and talked to you until i’m blue in the face, and i’m done talking to you!
chong: good, does that mean you’re done spitting on me, too?!
cheech: shut up, i’m not done talking to you! now turn around and bend over!
chong: well, what’re ya gonna do ya pervert?
cheech: pervert…why you snotty…
(cheech chases chong and chong whimpers)
cheech: oh, shut up, i haven’t even touched you yet! now i want you to know that this is going to hurt you more than it’s gonna hurt me!
(cheech spanks chong weakily)
chong: oh, wow, that didn’t even hurt
cheech: oh yeah!?
(cheech spanks chong weakily again)
chong: oh, wow, what’re you trying to do, tickle me?
cheech: tickle you, yeah, i’ll tickle you…
(cheech spanks chong hard, hurting him)
cheech: does that tickle, huh? how about another tickle? come on, laugh it up, funny boy!
(cheech finishes spanking chong)
chong: no more, no more, no more!
cheech: alright, are you going to do what i tell you?
chong: yeah, yeah! (whimpering)
cheech: are you going to talk back to me?
chong: yeah, yeah! (going along with the lecture, doesn’t realize what he said)
cheech: what?!
chong: i mean, no, no, no…
cheech: good. now you get your clothes on and get your little b-tt ready for school. right now, do you understand?
chong: (faking a whimper) yeah…
cheech: alright
(cheech leaves the room and closes the door, chong breathes a sigh of relief and turns on the music again)
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