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caleb kuhlmann - regicide note lyrics
i find that i believe that i’m a king. and every sunday church bells ring and we will sing but i’m the king, don’t worry. i tell myself that you belong to me. wait until you fall, and i’ll pick you back up, and see, now i’ve done a good deed. i am the king, am i not? i’ve made you feel lowly, and you are just a part of my plot. i’ll pile up all the money, the woman, the clothes that i want, but my mind needs to implode at some point
i find i’ve made a grave mistake. the kingdom i am building has begun to shake. a castle built with pebbles on top of sand and still we take it to be a mansion full of wonders, but i awake. it all comes down. the kingdom. the castle. the people. the places. the things. all that’s left is me and here comes regicide
i find i can’t get out of here. this throne room i’ve built fills with fear and i begin to drown. i look down. the trophies on the walls seem to calm me, but as i stare at them they twist and turn into gold and silver mangled metal nooses and now i’m hanging from the rafters. the fear subsides and my lungs fill with nothingness. the fear subsides and my lungs fill with something that’s been long coming for me for a while now. the fear subsides and i am no longer drowning, i’m simply hanging suspended from the crowns and things that k!lled me. the fear subsides and my lungs are filled with regicide
it shocks. the first time the world you love and hold so dear begins to change and something else takes the place of what you felt before. you have this dream of the way things should be and never do you doubt that they won’t reign supreme. the irony of being a king or queen and loosing control of all feeling is a wake up call that won’t be forgotten
i find i’ve lost control of my grand life, the foundations tumbling. my emotions are playing tricks on me, and my pride is slowly shaking. but what’s wrong, i’ve found, instead of me it’s really all for him. my life was based on petty thoughts, but now i’m needing him to pick me up and rescue me from all the rubble round me, that rubble slowly choking me, regicide as its scheme
i’m drowning
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