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anthony jeselnik - ex-girlfriend lyrics
i’ve spent two years looking from my ex_girlfriend’s k!ller. no one will do it. my ex_girlfriend owned a parakeet. do you guys just hear what i said. she owned a parakeet. oh my god, that f_cking thing never shut up, but the bird was cool. my ex_girlfriend had a lot of really annoying habits. i think the worst is that she really liked cosmo or things like cosmo. and she would flip straight to the relationship page, and no only would she present that to me, as if it were a funny thing for us to do together, even though every question is designed to f_ck my entire world up, but even worse is she would get mad at my answers, and make me change them. so we’d get the best score. like i’ll never forget the last time we played that game, she was like anthony if you could have lunch with anyone in the world living or dead, and i said, i don’t know caligula. and she goes really caligula. that’s what you’re going to say to me, your girlfriend, are you sure? i said oh i’m sorry baby, let me change that__ i’d have lunch with you, and you’d be dead. yeah we’re not together anymore. she’s got a new boyfriend now, they just moved in together now, and i’ve heard rumors that he’s abusive. which makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat, and then blame it on her boyfriend. but i don’t want it to sound like a massagist up here, she wasn’t a bad girl, but she was terrible in bed. terrible in bed. i mean she would just lay there, screaming no. that was rape joke number 2 babydoll
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