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abrupt decay - whelm كلمات أغنية

it whelms me in waves
debilitating
consuming feelings of inadequacy
(it feels) it feels like
it feels like it’s taken
my desire to live
away from me

it whelms me in waves
debilitating
concealing feelings of constant grief
it feels
it feels like
it feels like i’m failing
myself at every turn of the page
not enough time in the day
to sit and question why
i spend every second
wishing that i wasn’t alive
i guess it’s just who i am
so i’ll continue to be
my favoured enemy

nerves displayed
it’s like my mind can’t change
i feel like i’m blind
i just can’t see through the forest
from the f_cking trees
emaciated
it’s like my whole life has been wasted
grotesque and sorely hated
these thoughts are what’s k!lling me
it whelms me in waves
capitulating
it’s exhausting even trying to breathe
it steals
it steals life
from every corner of my body
that i’m just too ashamed to heal
what’s that? (what’s what?)
can’t tell
handheld dream, shot in h_ll
perfecting every excuse to ignore myself
it’s all i have, it’s all i am
it’s all i know
so i continue to be
a self catastrophe

nerves displayed
it’s like my mind can’t change
i feel like i’m blind
like i can’t see through the forest from the f_cking trees
emaciated; it’s like my whole life has been wasted
grotesque and sorely hated
these thoughts are what’s k!lling me

it whelms me in waves
debilitating
consuming feelings of inadequacy
i deserve this
sophisticated in my sophistry
convince myself to never read between the lines of my life and monotony
it’s no surprise there’s no one stopping me
i’ve burned every single bridge that made me someone ever worth something
i couldn’t decide if i tried
because i can never make up my stupid f_cking mind
an exercise in futility
is all that i have left of my life
i invalidate the warmth that i receive from others
i invalidate the reasons i should be alive

it wasn’t my choice to be made this way
to be addicted to the feeling of permanent anxiety
don’t tell me everything’s okay
when my hands both have the shakes and i can’t feel my legs
i spent two years as a ghost
and i’m still trying to return to corporeal form
i guess there’s nothing left
of the person that i thought i once was
i’ll decide my time of death and write one last goodbye
i’ll decide the time for when i take my f_cking life

you are nothing but an object in my way
you are nothing but an
an error that i wish i never made
or, maybe i just shouldn’t have ever gotten this far to begin with
is this really all there is for me?
masticated by the life that i lead
and now i’m stuck inside the maw of defeat because i’m too f_cked up to take my meds for the third time this week

and even after all this time has passed
i can’t remember when i didn’t want a drink in my hand
years turned to seconds in my grasp
and i still can’t believe i ever let this happen

- abrupt decay

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